Sarah Larimer is the co-editor The Triangle, she knows I am sensitive and didn’t have the heart to tell me that no one wrote in about the BQBL this week. There is a very good chance that the below e-mails are just Sarah pretending to be readers and writing herself from alias accounts so I don’t get bummed out. I am going to answer them as if they are real anyway.
Here goes:
From: Adam
Sent: Mon, 7 Nov 2011
To: Triangle@grantland.com
Don’t you think it’s time to change this picture? I’m thinking there’s a gentleman in Oakland who averages a pick per quarter through two weeks in 2011 that should become your posterboy?
I’ve never made a request to a website like this before, but I’m desperate and irrational when it comes to you changing this picture. I don’t have two picks to give you, but how about I just give you guys my 401K I’ve built up. It’s essentially the same thing, I’m mortgaging my future for something that really isn’t going to accomplish anything beneficial for myself.
Jacoby: I like your style, Adam. Writing into a website requesting a picture change from a post that is more than two months old shows dedication, attention to detail and a dash of insanity. I see you, Adam. My favorite part is “I’ve never made a request to a website like this before.” It reminds me of when I was single and used the ole “I never do this, but can I have your number?” line.
To address your question, no, it is not time to change the picture. When we posted it, we thought that Andy Dalton would be terrible. We were wrong. We like having it there in the Grantland archives as a little reminder that things don’t always pan out the way you expect them to. If I could go back in time and change anything it would not be this picture, it would be my lower back tattoo of Joey Fatone.
From: Matthew
Sent: Tue, 8 Nov 2011
To: Triangle@Grantland.com
Did you know?
Peyton Manning is still owned in more ESPN fantasy leagues than Curtis Tainter? 10.5 to 3.6% respectively. Even if you take into account people who forget about their teams after the draft (teams that are still starting Manning – 2.2%) that is still 8.3 to 3.6% in Manning’s favor. As a side note, are there really that many people hoping Manning will miraculously come back to save their season?
Jacoby: After watching Sunday’s game, I fully expect to see Peyton Manning play this season. It makes absolutely no sense for him to do so, but I don’t think he is the type of player that can watch his team lose week after week, and see his position played so poorly. After all the Colts three-and-outs, the camera always cuts to Peyton Manning patiently coaching Curtis TAINTer for the next series. By the end of the season, TAINTer is going to come to the sideline and ask Peyton, “What happened out there?” And Peyton is going to look him in the eye and say, “I’ll tell you what happened out there, you sucked.” How many BQBL points do owners get for crying on the sideline?
From: Shane
Date: Tue, 8 Nov 2011
To: Triangle@Grantland.com
Jacoby,
Will there be year-end awards for the league? I have to assume that someone like Philip Rivers is the leader in the clubhouse. Sure, other quarterbacks have been worse, but he was a steal in the late rounds.
You are getting 1st round production out of a late rounder. This needs to be recognized as more valuable than the like of Tarvaris Jackson on Curtis TAINTer. On the flip side, early favorites for LVP have to be Cam Newton and The Red Rifle, Andy Dalton. Who knew on draft day that these 1st rounders were not as bad as we had hoped. Cam Newton has to be a worse 1st round pick than Chris Johnson in regular fantasy …
Shane
Jacoby: My head hurts. I had to read this one three times to get what Shane was trying to explain to me there. The least valuable player in a bad quarterback league is actually a good quarterback that you thought would be bad, right? Does this mean that the most valuable quarterback is a bad quarterback that you thought was good? Shane, I apologize, I think I am too dumb to answer your question beyond saying, “Yes Shane, we will have year-end awards.”
And here’s this bonus one, that is completely unrelated to the BQBL:
From: Ron
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011
To: Triangle@Grantland.com
Simmons is going to freak out once he sees this. Old School WWF Wrestlers+Tabletop Hockey = Winner
Ron in Toronto
Jacoby: This one will be a good test to see if Bill actually reads every blog post like he says he does. If he really does, by the end of the month this stupid thing will be in the Grantland office.
From: Drew
Date: Tue, 1 Nov 2011
To: Triangle@Grantland.com
Guys –
Don’t you think it’s time to change the BQBL homepage/poster boy picture of Andy Dalton to someone else? Oh hey Philip Rivers! (Or we could vote at the end of the year for who gets the honor next year, sorta like a reverse Madden cover–although would the jinx be playing even worse or sadly turning it around and having success?)
– Drew
Jacoby: Wait a second, two people want us to change this picture? No chance. Here are my theories on “Drew’s” e-mail:
- Either “Adam” or “Drew” e-mailed us twice. Once with his real name, and again with a made-up name. Did you think we would fall for the old trick, really?
- Sarah got confused as she was writing fake e-mails to herself and forgot she already wrote this one.
Drew really exists and is friends with Adam. One day after a few too many beers, Drew said, “Hey man, can you do me a favor? I really want this website to change a picture from two months ago but they haven’t written me back or change the picture. Could you write in to them requesting that they change the picture? That way they will think it is like a full on movement instead of just one weirdo.” - Andy Dalton is a big fan of the BQBL and writes in using aliases. In that case, hey Andy Dalton. Thanks for reading Grantland, buddy.
- Drew and Adam are actually two different people with the same request about the two-month-old post. This is easily the least believable of the five.
Please keep sending emails to us at Triangle@Grantland.com so Sarah doesn’t have to write anymore fake ones.
Previously By David Jacoby:
Reality Scorecard: Why Won’t Zach and Ashley Score Coitus Points?
The Bad Quarterback League Scorecard: Curtis Painter Leads the League in Terrible
Reality Scorecard: Nate Does the Ronnie
Bad Quarterback League Reader Feedback
Bad Quarterback League Scorecard: Yuck, Blaine Gabbert
Tebowmania in Pictures
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