In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Monday:
- Robert Griffin III threw for 163 yards and ran for 72 more to lead the Redskins to a 17-16 win over the Giants. “At times like these, I really wish I knew some curse words,” said Eli Manning. “So I could think them to myself and feel cruel for just a moment.”
- The New York Yankees announced that Alex Rodriguez will undergo hip surgery and miss at least the first half of the 2013 season. The good news, however, is that he should be able to resume extreme rollerblade dancing within two to three months.
- Johnny Manziel, Collin Klein, and Manti Te’o were named Heisman Trophy finalists, and will attend the award ceremony in New York. Due to Texas A&M’s policy that freshmen can’t speak to the media, though, Manziel will have to communicate in exaggerated hand gestures and winks if he wins.
- John Calipari’s Kentucky Wildcats fell from no. 8 to unranked in the latest AP poll, the largest single-week drop since the poll expanded to 25 teams in 1990. “I feel like it should be me,” Texas coach Rick Barnes told his puzzled team.
- LeBron James was named Sports Illustrated’s Sporstman of the Year for 2012. “Now if I can just win the ESPY for best athlete, I’ll have accomplished my two main goals for the year,” said James.
- Golfing legend Tom Watson said he doesn’t think golf belongs in the Olympics, and he doesn’t support its upcoming return in the 2016 Games. “The Olympiad is a three-ring showcase for mavericks and rogues,” he declared, reading from a parchment scroll. “A blackguard’s spectacle encouraging the lunatic Dionysian elements, and not befitting the dignity of golfe.”
- Blake Griffin scored 30 points and grabbed 11 boards as the Clippers won 105-104. “Who did they beat?” you might wonder. Man, if you have to ask who the Clippers beat, you’ll never know.
- Sources reported that the Boston Red Sox agreed to a three-year, $39 million contract with free agent Mike Napoli. “I plan to start fighting with my teammates and second-guessing my manager almost immediately,” he said, earning applause from Red Sox Nation.
- An NFL source told ESPN that Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs suffered a torn biceps in Sunday’s loss to the Steelers. He also suffered bite marks on his face and chest, but when you play against Roethlisberger, that almost goes without saying.