In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
- Adrian Beltre hit three home runs as the Texas Rangers advanced to the ALCS with a 4-3 win over the Rays. Beltre’s feat had previously been accomplished just six times in postseason history, by Babe Ruth (twice), Reggie Jackson, George Brett, Bob Robertson and Adam Kennedy. In a classy move after the game, Kennedy issued an apology for being on the list.
- The Yankees used two excellent catches by Curtis Granderson and a late-game offensive explosion to stay alive in the ALDS, topping Detroit 10-1 and forcing a deciding Game 5. This result goes against Detroit closer Jose Valverde’s guarantee that the series wouldn’t return to New York, and I’m not naming names, but some people put a lot of money on that guarantee. Okay, I’ll name names: It was A-Rod.
- The Diamondbacks avoided elimination at home behind rookie Josh Collmenter’s seven strong innings, routing Milwaukee 8-1. Another rookie, Paul Goldschmidt, hit a grand slam and tied a franchise record with five RBI. And yet another rookie, Collin Cowgill, sat on the bench, wrote weird gothic poetry, and drew anarchy symbols all over the dugout.
- Ben Francisco’s three-run homer was all the Phillies needed to beat the Cardinals 3-2 and take a 2-1 series lead in the NLDS. Unfortunately, his teammates will have to spend the next 24 hours listening to his annoying parody jingle: “A player that is sure to please! Three-Run Homer: The Ben Francisco Treat!”
- Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa is being fined by MLB for criticizing umpire Jerry Meals on TV during Sunday night’s Game 2 win over Philadelphia. But you’ll be relieved to hear that no umpires will be punished in any way for their stunning, routine incompetence.
- After negotiations failed to produce an agreement, David Stern announced that the first two weeks of the NBA season would be canceled if no deal was reached by Monday. Unfortunately, it seems as though the league is still a long way off from the ideal outcome of everything but the playoffs being canceled.
- The University of Missouri has decided to explore leaving the Big 12. They’ve hired a former fur trader and his native guide to lead the canoe expedition, which will take them out West where men say the priceless conferences spill out of the streams.
- Mercedes-Benz has bought naming rights to the Louisiana Superdome. Oddly enough, they’ve chosen to name it after Buick.
- Deion Sanders is the latest in a line of pundits to criticize Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. “Statistically, he’s great,” said Sanders. “But you can’t trust him he’s not the guy who can take you where you want to go. And that’s the Super Bowl.” In response, Romo called the criticism “nonsense.” Romo added, “one phone call, just one, and I could get two tickets to the Super Bowl like that,” he said.
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