Faster than you could think, I wonder what they’re going to do with Batman next as you waited for The Dark Knight Rises to begin this weekend, lo and behold, Warner Bros. beamed a teaser trailer for Man of Steel, the first installment of what the studio hopes to be a rejuvenated Superman franchise, directly into untold millions of reboot-susceptible eye sockets. In case you’ve forgotten, there’s a helpful reminder that MoS is directed by 300’s Zack Snyder, whose last two non-Gahoolian cinematic efforts were superboning-to-Leonard Cohen-inside-a-hovering-armored-owl’s-head misfire Watchmen, and Sucker Punch, in which Snyder somehow botched the foolproof premise — emotionally disturbed, jailbait she-ninjas fighting giant robots — he burgled from the priapic fanboy collective unconscious. If you want to question this director’s ability to resurrect the prematurely mothballed hero based on his recent résumé, we’re not going to put on our tattered Superman Underoos, run backwards around the laptop at the speed of light, and make you watch a clip of a roaring Gerard Butler kicking a dude into a bottomless pit to change your mind.
There’s probably not enough footage here to get pre-upset about, even if you’re inclined to inspect the individual nuggets of this first breadcrumb trail to the Fortress of Solitude, unless (1) you’ve got strong feelings about a Hobo Clark Kent, his bindle full of red bikini bottoms, hitchhiking a ride to Metropolis, (2) you think Henry Cavill is too distractingly handsome to do anything but stare into a bathroom mirror all day, or (3) you spend more than two seconds wondering about the accuracy of Superman contrail physics. Let’s all reconvene here several months hence, after they’ve revealed the first official trailer, and decide whether or not to strip Snyder to his burgundy galoshes and lock him away in the Phantom Zone.