Let’s be quite clear: For humans of a certain age range — basically, anyone old enough to have seen Jurassic Park in the theaters the first time around — there is almost no conceivable way to not be extremely goddamned stoked on the prospects of franchise reboot Jurassic World. And it’s actually fairly surprising it took us this long to get back to dinosaur-murder island. OK, yeah, the two sequels, 1997’s The Lost World and 2001’s Jurassic Park III, went generally (at least relatively) unloved, but they did make a tidy pile of cash (nearly a billion in box office combined). And throughout all of these years — perhaps thanks to the franchise’s amusement park presence, or the incessant re-watchability of the first movie, or the forever charms of Jeff Goldblum’s weird laugh — that initial awe still resonates. The brand is strong.
OK, so even though Jurassic World1 appears to rerack the billiard balls in exactly the same manner we’d seen before — idyllic setting turns real homicidal real fast, adorable children at peril — and even though they’re slow-rolling us with the dinosaur porn (teeth?! You’re showing me teeth?!!) and even though we can always nitpick some more (is Chris Pratt gonna be that grim the entire movie? Didn’t anyone on set see a sneak preview of Guardians before they wrapped?) … now’s not the time for that. Now’s the time to get our Dr. Alan Grant on, gawking wordlessly at a giant sea-dino eating a shark!!!!
Directed by Safety Not Guaranteed’s Colin Trevorrow.
Hey, everyone [insert hella dramatic and inspiring John Williams strings]: Welcome (back) to Jurassic Park.