Vin Diesel, it turns out, is a pretty weird guy. He was on The Tonight Show last night, and he called himself “shy,” and I actually believe him? In the clip, he speaks very deliberately. He overlaughs like a madman. Also, he turns all the way around to halfheartedly ham with whoever is occupying the seat that will forever truly belong to Kevin Eubanks, and it’s crazy awkward. Most important: He’s 45. 45?! I say this honestly: He looks amazing. There is almost definitely a creepy, moldering, grotesque painting of Vin Diesel stuffed somewhere in the recesses of Vin Diesel’s attic.
OK, but now let’s get to the actual content of what Diesel was saying. Yes, the actual content! Vin doesn’t go on late-night TV to share toothless anecdotes. He goes on late-night TV to speak truths. In response to a question about staying fit, Diesel let it be known that he believes men in Hollywood are under more pressure than women to look good. He’s speaking out because it’s important. Actors are being driven to use steroids! Diesel doesn’t do steroids. No one should ever use steroids. Listen up, body-conscious dudes: “I have a lot of friends that I grew up with that were bouncers that would do steroids that would have to get their … tits drained.”
Also, he thinks Facebook owes him money. Um, he’s not kidding.