“Feast your eyes on this” is an empty cliché — unless we’re talking Andy and Lana Wachowski, the sibling duo whose imagery amounts to cinematic Thanksgiving every time, even when the actual narratives are just undercooked side dishes. Jupiter Ascending, the first original Wachowskis effort since the final Matrix film dropped a decade ago (Cloud Atlas and Speed Racer had that wacky Wachowski flavor, but both were adaptations), looks like it won’t be an exception. For every two shots that scream “sweet, delicious Star Trek,” there’s one that hints we might also be working with some Game of Thrones–level fantasy porn.
Mila Kunis stars as Jupiter, a.k.a. the new Neo (neo-Neo?), a Ukrainian cleaning lady who shares a genetic code with the Queen of the Universe. Problem is, the Queen comes from a place where humans are seen as undeveloped, pseudo animals. Luckily Channing Tatum, “the perfect hunting machine — fearless, relentless,” comes to Jupiter’s rescue before the Queen has her snuffed. Maybe they fall in love and make elf-ear babies, maybe they don’t. Depends if this is indeed the first film of a new trilogy or not.