David Hasselhoff’s trash is about to become another (rich) man’s treasure. The nostalgia event of the century will happen on April 11 and 12 over at Julien’s Auctions, where gems as sparkly as a fan-made replica of Knight Rider’s KITT currently commingle with items as ordinary as “David Hasselhoff Worn Hawaiian Shirts.” The car is pretty cool, actually — it comes programmed with more than 4,000 sound bites from the TV show. The starting bid is $15,000, and it’s estimated to sell somewhere between $30,000 and $50,000, so you’ve got two weeks to save up, sell your Macho Man Randy Savage–signed monster truck, etc.
Among not just the weirdest auction items but the weirdest things I’ve ever seen is an oversize model of a topless David Hasselhoff, in the prone position, resting on a wheeled metal rack, face stuck in terrifying wonderment. “It was used as a prop in the 2004 SpongeBob SquarePants movie,” The Hollywood Reporter writes. “Put a glass top on it and this would make the creepiest coffee table ever.” No. Never. Especially not for more than $10,000. I feel like someone should PayPal me $20,000 to erase the mental image of this nightmare sculpture.
Let’s see, what else is there? A ’65 Mustang GT from the Hoff’s personal collection, all black; one “ankle-length denim coat with camel-colored leather chest and lapels and long fringes”; an affordable Knight Rider golf cart; chandeliers of both the French and Dutch persuasions; a caftan from an Adam Sandler film; a 19th-century mirror that might be magical; many more coats; David Hasselhoff posters once owned by David Hasselhoff; the lifeguard chair Hasselhoff himself sat upon while being roasted for Comedy Central.
It’s an exciting time for anyone who owns a “Don’t Hassle the Hoff” T-shirt, for sure. But people in that demo do need to cross their fingers that this whole auction doesn’t get shut down once I point out there’s NO FLOORBURGER FOR SALE??