Das Racist didn’t really need to do anything out of the ordinary on Conan last night to get attention: the fact that the Internet’s favorite haha(?)-rap group was making a late-night TV appearance was notable enough on its own. But Das Racist did not become the internet’s favorite haha(?)-rap group by not doing anything out of the ordinary! The above performance of their single “Michael Jackson” starts off, promisingly, with hypeman Dapwell hanging out behind a lectern and gesturing, like a horror-movie preacher, with what could have been a percussion instrument but also looked like kitchen tongs. Then Heems and Victor take turns rapping, in the most uninterested manner possible. There are lackadaisical wig reveals and keyboard head butts; also, Heems turns his boast “I’m fucking great at raaaaapppppppping” into a less emphatic, but more comical, “Yo, I’m good at [Cookie Monster voice] rapping.” Then, a Michael Jackson impersonator comes out and kills it. Whoever writes the blurbs for Conan videos sounds like he or she was in on the joke: “The unique hip-hop duo rocks out stage 15 with hot ladies, cymbals, and their newest hit!” Nonetheless, Conan did not seem overly enthused during the goodbye handshakes.
The funny thing is that “Michael Jackson” is a (at least as far as these dudes are concerned) a conventionally dope song, and if played straight on national television, could have quite possibly won Das Racist a few more fans. Which apparently is that’s not something the group seems particularly interested in. For example: right now, they’re retweeting all kinds of Internet bile: “Das Racist on Conan just ruined my life”, “My ears are bleeding #hipstershavegonetoofar,” etc. (Also: “sometimes i feel bad nahright 2dopeboys UHTN n rapradar don’t post us then I wipe my tears w hundred dollar bills n victor burns em.”) By the way, Morrissey is Conan’s musical guest tonight. Will he be able to top Das Racist? Would he like to borrow the kitchen tongs?