You may remember Courtney Robertson — model, #winner, onetime future Mrs. Ben Flajnik — as the most hated Bachelor contestant of all time. We here in Grantland’s Reality TV department remember her as the shining, singular example of reality-show perfection, an endlessly surprising villain who also happened to pitch no-hitters week after week, or whatever sports analogy works best here. Usually on these sorts of shows you are either the bitch who gets a ton of screen time or the winner, but never, ever both.
It stands to reason, then, that Courtney’s releasing a memoir. I Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain will be published by HarperCollins at a TBD date, according to Us Weekly. In it, Robertson promises to reveal juicy behind-the-scenes drama from her season and set the record straight on what really went down. “The girls hated me, my modeling career was destroyed and Ben and I had a tumultuous 11-month relationship that ultimately imploded,” Courtney told Us. “Writing the book has been very cathartic — I’ve definitely learned a lot about myself and love!”
While the author’s own personal catharsis is always a very valid and commendable reason to publish a book, that is not why I will be buying I Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends. Courtney owed us this book not to prove that she has learned something from her experience, but to share her unique and powerful wisdom with us — anyone who burns that brightly on national television, even if only for a few months, has a responsibility to society to reveal her methods. So I will be reading between every contrite line and assurance that she’s changed and looking for the patented Robertsonian secret to bending reality to your will. Nobody can ever be Courtney, but we can all try.