Just when it was safe to open your mouth without “it is what it is” escaping like a weary cliché-genie from a lamp, “blessed” came along and infected humanity. It is the zombie of buzzwords, making anyone who uses it into a swirly-eyed, beatific drone person who probably sits with his or her hands folded staring at an imaginary sunset through dusty Venetian blinds. Recently infected: Kate Bosworth, Kim Kardashian, a Big Loser (not the Biggest), Selena Gomez (blessed but frustrated — she might survive), and Dennis Rodman. Grab some cynical idol, lock your doors and windows, and wait until it passes.
- The second season of Catfish is casting, so gather your loose change ($250 of it) and start practicing on your Fake Internet Girlfriend for hire.
- Maggie Simpson, the best silent actress of our time, needs an Oscar for teething purposes. Ditch that binkie, girl. You’re big-time now.
- “Bisexuality is misunderstood; the adage is that you’re either straight or gay or lying, but that’s not my experience. To call me anything other than bisexual would be inaccurate.” —Clive Davis
- If “The Mountains Win Again” isn’t in Everest with Christian Bale, I’m firing everyone.
- A fruit grows in the “digital garden of the internet” and is harvested and set to ripen in the stoneware vessel of television. And that fruit is celebrity bowling.
- Michael Jackson’s son Prince, 16, is now a special correspondent for Entertainment Tonight. Because becoming a professional during your teenage years always works out for the best.
- Star Trek: The Video Game features Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, and everybody else. “Some, such as the irrepressible Pegg, were eager to come to recording sessions with improv and extra energy.”
- Hilary Mantel vs. Kate Middleton: “Once she gets over being sick, the press will find that she is radiant. They will find that this young woman’s life until now was nothing, her only point and purpose being to give birth.” Ouch.
- The Quidditch Snitch beetle: “‘It doesn’t sting or bite. It just tries to get to an elevated place to fly, in this case, my finger tip. But it did poo on my finger just before it flew away.” Life is beautiful. We are so blessed.