“I was getting a divorce. I was going to my lawyer’s office to divorce her that day but I wanted to sneak in a quickie This particular day, someone beat me to the punch I guess Brad got there earlier than I did. I was mad as hell. You should’ve saw his face when he saw me.” That’s Mike Tyson telling Yahoo the story of the time he stumbled upon Brad Pitt making extramarital love to then-wife Robin Givens, the air thick with the delicious scents of forbidden lust, Chanel No.5, and impending homicide.
And yes, we all wish we could have seen Pitt’s face in that moment, because most human beings never get a good look at a man who’s confronting the very real possibility that his entrails are about to be scooped out by a fist the size of a backhoe shovel and dumped out a window.
“I hope Brad don’t think I’m mad at him. I’m not mad at this guy, no way,” Tyson reassures his interviewer. And somewhere Brad Pitt quietly soils himself, because there’s a better-than-average chance a murderous beef is still being nurtured deep within the champ’s well-decorated skull. Be safe, Brad.
• According to Spider Man 2: It All Still Feels Too Soon director Marc Webb, we have a new Harry Osborn! (James Franco is unavailable due to preparations for his 400-hour TED Talk about the to-scale Lego model of Hearst Castle he’s going to spend a year living in for a self-directed documentary.) Everyone please welcome Dane DeHaan, that kid from Lincoln who briefly made you think Spielberg lost his mind and CGI-ed a Growing Pains–era Leo DiCaprio into the Civil War. [@MarcW]
• Here is a poster for Man of Steel, featuring the rebooted hero (Henry Cavill), his new, weirdly scaly/shiny SuperSuit, and a pair of handcuffs we’re assuming are lined either in Kryptonite or whatever extraterrestrial substance inhibits Brandon Routh’s career. Not pictured: Michael Shannon’s General Zod, the biggest reason anyone should care about this movie. [ComingSoon]
• And here’s a photo of Naomi Watts as Princess Di in Diana, reminding us that someone at Lifetime needs to be fired for not putting Lindsay Lohan in a tiara and having her fling priceless royal crystal at Prince Charles’s head for two hours. [DigitalSpy]
• Oh yeah, Kate Middleton is pregnant, but you already knew that and have already bought the commemorative plate. [Us Weekly]
• Howard Stern has decided to return for a second season of American’s Got Talent. Brace yourselves, Stern-fan satellite radio subscribers, for another year of behind-the-scenes stories about tween jugglers and ear-shattering anger-squawks from Mariann from Brooklyn about how she can’t get good enough seats for the live show. [THR]
• Watch people in Bahrain go apeshit for the Kardashians in this chilling video about the Millions of Milkshakes Riots of Late 2012: