Chris: OK, first off, I think Waka should get a cat. Because most cats act like Chrissy Lampkin from Love and Hip-Hop. All animals are not “the same.”
Rembert: “They can’t speak … they don’t have arms.” —Waka. Unreal. Here’s my theory. PETA’s rapper campaign all stems back to Vick. Oh wait, I was confusing this with the last PETA-Waka collabo.
Chris: That’s OK, Rembert “I Can’t Tell One Waka Flocka PSA From the Other” Browne. Back to the matter at hand, though: I feel like PETA is really falling off when it comes to deploying this campaign on multiple platforms.
Rembert: I feel like the CEO of PETA is a junior at Wesleyan.
Chris: Like, where is DJ Tekniz/Waka Flocka “FIGHT BREEDISM” mixtape? Why isn’t that on DatPiff right now? Do you feel like this ad would be better or worse if the backing music were by Lex Luger? I’m not mad at the slightly updated Arsenio Hall backing band.
Rembert: I’m insulted that they used that “hip-hop” track that comes installed with your first keyboard. All treble, no bass.
Chris: Casio, “Rap” setting.
Rembert: Setting 41: “Urban Grooves.”
Chris: Sidebar: I wonder if Casio has gotten any more adventurous with its “settings.” Like can kids switch on “Skrillex Cabin Depressurization?”
Rembert: I want to say yes, but I don’t think Casio has continued to hire new people. Once everyone at Casio from 20 years ago dies, it’s over.
Chris: Yeah, their training vid looks like the Dharma Initiative’s.
Chris: I guess the main question here is this, Rem: Are you more or less likely to abuse a dog after watching this?
Rembert: I’m more likely to abuse a Waka, but will never consider hitting a dog.
Chris: Ironically, Waka Flocka’s music makes me want to abuse almost every living thing I come across: dogs, sharks, old people.
Rembert: But you allow yourself to listen to Meek Mill soprano-shout at you, nonstop. Keep Waka’s name out your mouth. Keep Waka’s dog-friendly name out your mouth.
Chris: I meant that as a compliment to Flocka, man.
Rembert: Oh … well in that case, keep Waka’s name in your mouth.
Chris: In closing: Treat your dog like you would treat your copy of LeBron Flocka James 2. WITH THE UTMOST LOVE AND TENDER CARE.
Rembert: As a coaster/thing that you use when one of the table legs is slightly shorter than the other three.