Grantland logo

73 Questions Answered by the Real Reese Witherspoon

A tale of two Reeses.

You’re about to start seeing a whole lot more of Reese Witherspoon in the coming weeks. The actress has two big films this fall. Her starring performance in Wild is already drawing Oscar talk, and she will also appear in Paul Thomas Anderson’s Inherent Vice in a supporting role. She is currently covering Vogue magazine, and, by way of promoting that cover, she did this cute video with Vogue’s site, in which she answers 73 questions from an offscreen interrogator.

By now, we know there are two Reese Witherspoons. There’s the Southern belle, America’s Sweetheart Witherspoon, lighting up a room with her smile and offering you a glass of iced tea (her grandma’s recipe!) upon arrival. Then there’s the Queen of the South, Blanca, the Dowager Countess of Sauvignon Blanc.

Over at Gawker, Caity Weaver has named these two personalities “Reese” and “Laura Jean.” In the below Vogue video, Reese is definitely the one doing the talking. But what if “Laura Jean,” the wilder Reese Witherspoon, had been on camera?

[protected-iframe id=”ca0f6c3155aac1726db79ad12fd6e72f-60203239-64539598″ info=”http://player.cnevids.com/embed/54258ea461646d5a5a000000/5176e90368f9daff42000014″ width=”560″ height=”390″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]

What’s the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?

Where am I?

What are you most excited about these days?

The return of subprime lending.

What’s the last hobby you picked up?

Prison wine.

What’s your favorite holiday?

V-E Day.

What’s the best part of living in L.A.?

The Smog Cutter.

What are three words to describe living in L.A.?

The. Smog. Cutter.

What do you miss most about Nashville?

Stirring up shit between the Black Keys and Jack White.

What is Southern hospitality to you?

The Lil Scrappy and Trillville split LP.

What’s the coolest thing about being a mom?

Getting to board planes early.

If you could invite anyone over for a Witherspoon dinner, who would it be?

Lil Scrappy and Trillville.

What would you cook?

Prison wine.

What would you talk about?

Why aren’t there more Lil Scrappy and Trillville CDs?

What’s your favorite country to visit?

The Bahamas.

Last country you visited?

The Bahamas.

What country do you want to visit?

I like archipelagoes.

If you were a hip-hop artist, what would your stage name be?

20121016-LIL_REESE

What’s your favorite TV show of all time?

Amish Mafia.

What TV show would you love to make a cameo on?

The Last Ship.

Favorite movie of all time?

Terms of Endearment or Belly.

Favorite movie of the last five years?

The Internship.

Movie that made you cry?

Draft Day.

Movie that made you cry from laughter?

Only God Forgives.

23f1a2e9_wanna-fight-drive

Who’s your favorite Disney character?

Scar.

If there’s one thing missing in life right now, what is it?

Flat tax.

How often do you have pool parties?

First Monday of the month.

What’s your favorite food?

Firecrackers.

What’s your least favorite food?

County lockup bologna sandwiches.

What do you love on your pizza?

Kale.

What’s your favorite restaurant?

The buffet at Magic City.

How much does your Oscar weigh?

[Mean mugs.]

Who’s the last person you texted?

Bruckheimer.

What’s your favorite app?

Bing Search.

Favorite website?

MediaTakeOut.

How do you feel about selfies?

Sure.

Besides you, who should everybody be following on Instagram?

The TSA.

[protected-iframe id=”62a38a93162a45f5877a5d886b829f78-60203239-64539598″ info=”//instagram.com/p/slME3oF95_/embed/” width=”412″ height=”457″ frameborder=”0″ scrolling=”no”]

What do you think ever happened to Tracy Flick?

She’s out there, selling dabs.

What was one thing you wish you knew in high school?

How to make dabs.

What color dress did you wear to your prom?

Blue is the warmest color.

If there were a yearbook for Hollywood, what would you be named?

Life of the Party.

What was your favorite cheer when you were a cheerleader?

STEEEEEEVE PERRY.

What are three things in your bag that you can’t live without?

Check that TSA Instagram.

Can you show me something awesome on this trampoline?

[Mean mugs.]

Diamonds or pearls?

Rose gold.

Heels or flats?

Isabel Marant wedge sneakers.

Who’s your fashion icon?

My Life–era Mary J. Blige.

What’s the best fashion trend of all time?

I liked the way people dressed in Walker Evans dust bowl photography.

If you could switch lives with a person for one day, who would it be?

Owen Wilson.

If you had a tattoo, what would it be, and where?

The cover to It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot. Full back piece.

If you could live in any historical decade, what would it be, and where?

Mid-12th century. Jerusalem. On some Kingdom of Heaven shit.

kingdom-of-heaven

What’s your spirit animal?

Humming bird slash squirrel.

Do you have any pets?

Like how many animals do I own that I have papers for?

What was your first pet’s name?

Falcon Crest. It was a falcon.

Best gift you’ve ever received?

My kids.

Best gift you’ve ever given?

My kids.

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had?

My kids.

What’s the cutest thing on the planet Earth?

My kids.

If you could moonlight as another profession, what would it be?

Quarterback for the Jets.

What’s your favorite board game?

Axis and Allies.

Most important advice you’ll give your kids?

If Joaquin Phoenix goes out for cigarettes, it’s gonna be a long night. Pack accordingly.

If you were forced to play one song on that piano for the rest of your life, what would it be?

“The Entertainer.”

What are your favorite lyrics to any song?

“Ha ha hum, and here’s another hit, Barry Bonds.”

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

“Wamp Wamp.”

What band, past or present, would you be a groupie for?

The Doors.

What’s your favorite Johnny Cash song?

The part before “Long Black Veil” on At San Quentin, where Johnny talks about how he had played a show at Folsom Prison the year before.

What was the last book that you read?

The Leaning Tower.

What was a book you read because everyone else was reading it?

The King James Bible.

What’s an experience in your life when you felt most nervous?

Softball scenes in How Do You Know.

What’s the best first-date idea?

Have you ever seen The Game?

What are you doing tomorrow?

Have you ever seen The Game?

What do you hope to be doing next year?

Sequel to How Do You Know. But more about softball.

What do you have for dessert?

Cake.