Before launching into Episode “Only 10 Episodes Left,” a breakdown of the “Previously on 24” dais:
Lt. Tanner (the guy getting ultra-framed for the drone strike), Open Cell (Chloe’s hacker real-life Google Hangout gang), Derrick Yates (the actual guy behind the drone strike, who is now very dead), U.S. President James Heller (has Alzheimer’s, is president), Chief of Staff Mark Boudreau (snitch), Audrey Boudreau (soon to be Audrey Bauer, fingers crossed), Agent Kate Morgan (smart, mini-Jack, just got head-butted by Jack), and CIA Head of Station Steve Navarro (played by Benjamin Bratt, a.k.a. Benny Bratts).
Left out: this evil mother and daughter, whose names we don’t know, but for now will be addressed as Catelyn Stark and YatesBoo.
And then there’s our hero, Jack. 24’s Jack Bauer.
TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT, LET’S DO THIS.
Episode 3: 1-2 p.m.
In one of the most impressive acts of deductive reasoning ever displayed on this show, Jackson Bauer enters a bar, sees a jacket next to a collection of Guinness pints sipped down to different levels, and immediately walks into the bathroom to find a dead Yates.
This was Jack’s lead:
Jack just advanced to the next terror level with 2.68 stouts. What did you do today?
Anyway, Yates is super dead and Jack tells Chloe that this was the work of a professional. After Jack finds YatesBoo’s wig in the dumpster, Chloe locates her boarding the Underground (Londontalk for “subway”). And Jack and Chloe are on the hunt.
Next we sashay over to the site of the previous hour’s shootout, where we see odd couple Kate Morgan and Erik Ritter questioning Yates’s drug lord, Basher, and his men. Legendary tattletale Ritter gets a call from Benny Bratts, who’s looking for updates. Ritter tells him that Kate is interrogating the men. Bratts is all Get out of there and Ritter’s all She’s not done and Bratts is all Kate’s not even technically supposed to be there even though I assigned her to the case so don’t say her name out loud and by the way if this goes south you’re in trouble, not me, haha tough luck, Ritter [click].
Ritter follows orders like the Ritter he is and releases the men. But Lil Bauer tells Basher to stay. Ritter puts up a stink, but she doesn’t care. Because she’s Lil Bauer. Which is why she pulls out a gun and then beats him over the neck.
Ritter freaks out even more, saying “are you outta your mind” just like Lil Jon, causing Kate to talk to him like a scared little child. Finally, he gives in and helps pick up Basher. Because it’s fun to break rules and do bad things with your friends.
Suddenly, we’re live from the Underground and something is about to go down. Because PursuitJack and YatesBoo are on the same subway car. And they both look terrifying in their own way.
They spot each other. And then, in an admittedly slick move, she pulls out her trusty switchblade and slashes her own leg. And then wipes her thighblood on her face when they both exit the train. And then gets away because she screams “Help, he’s trying to kill me!” giving her enough of a diversion to get away because Jack has to spend six crucial seconds beating up everyone before he can pursue.
The chase continues through the station, but she sneaks away, mainly because Chloe — who was supposed to be tracking her — gets distracted by the sight of a little boy with his parents. New-look hacker Chloe is slipping, big time. No. 45 Jordan at best.
And just like that, YatesBoo — looking like a deranged raccoon — gets away in a cab right under Chloe’s nose.
This looks to be a horrible sign for Jack and Chloe, but it turns out to be the misstep that their relationship needed. Because we learn what happened to Chloe in the interim. Before explaining that, however, here is something that’s hard to unsee.
Once you get past that, it’s time for sad news. Chloe’s former husband and son are dead. They were hit by a truck, a truck that was sent to kill Chloe, but she had to work late so Morris picked up their son instead. There was a hit on Chloe because she was the only one who knew what happened when Jack disappeared. So, in a weird way, Morris and Prescott dying (of course) comes back to Jack.
The two embrace and realize, again, they’re in this together. And more than ever, they only have each other. Because there’s no one left.
After this tearjerker, we go to the snitch chief of staff and his double-snitch assistant, who leads with this statement:
“I looked into the protocol of handing Bauer over to the Russians.”
So that’s what the government’s up to in 24-land today. To make matters worse, all that needs to happen for this executive order to take place is a signature from the president, something I’m sure the chief of staff will diabolically figure out, because he’s a diabolical man. Before the conversation about this could continue, however, Audrey walked in, ruining la fiesta de evil.
Audrey’s still mad because her chief of staff husband is out to humiliate her dad. But then he says a bunch of convincing words and phrases and proves that he’s out for the president’s best interests, even though he’s hard on him. And somehow she believes him. And then this happens, which is disgusting.
He smiles, Audrey leaves, and then once the door is closed he gets evil again. Because that’s what villains do. Here’s a second thing villains do:
Yes, that’s Chief of Staff Mark Boudreau, son-in-law of President James Heller, forging the signature of his father-in-law, the President of the United States of America. And not on the merchant receipt at Red Lobster (this would still be highly frowned upon), but on the order to hand Jack Bauer over to the Russians.
So, again, that’s what the government’s up to in 24-land. Just fantastic.
Speaking of Jack, we’re back in his car and Chloe has finally given us a real name for YatesBoo. She is Simone al-Harazi. And yes, she has “terrorism-related charges.” AND YES, JACK IS LIKE “WAIT, IS SHE RELATED TO MARGOT AL-HARAZI” AS IF WE’RE OUT HERE TALKING ABOUT GIRL HE SHARED A SHIFT WITH AT COLDSTONE CREAMERY.
Of course Jack is right, they learn of the mother-daughter relationship, and then Chloe digs up the factoid of Mama al-Harazi becoming a widow and then marrying an al-Qaeda commander. The lovebirds bombed Cairo and then three years ago a U.S. drone strike killed Papa al-Harazi, nearly killing Mama. That drone strike: authorized by now-president Heller. Slowly but surely, this puzzle of terror is beginning to come together.
Next we arrive in Mama al-Harazi’s house. It’s a quaint little terror family reunion; as Simone reports back, we meet her brother (also bad), and then Simone’s man, Navid, who is standoffish to Simone because she’s been undercover with the now-dead Yates. Mama al-Harazi intervenes, reminding him that there’s a long history of lady al-Harazi undercover man-trapping and that it’s necessary and that he needs to get over it.
He says yes.
At 1:30 p.m., we’re hit with a QUADBOX, and then Jack and Chloe return to Sweet Valley Goth High to talk to the hackers. Jack alerts their leader (and Chloe’s boyfriend), Adrian, to the situation with the arming device and Adrian fires back, acknowledging Jack’s habit of asking for favors and then pulling out his gun. They have a silent stare-off, as all kings do.
Jack then tells them he needs proof of the device so he can take it to the government and Adrian says that they need the flight record of the drone that was hijacked. You know, the Lt. Tanner drone. The minihackers figure out that Tanner’s being handed over at the U.S. Embassy, so that’s where Jack is headed. All he needs is a high-level clearance identity, one that Chloe and the gang agree to build for him.
Now Jack’s got to get to Tanner.
Also, Kate and Ritter just found out about Tanner, as Basher finally squealed when nearly handed over to some unsavory gentlemen he owed money to. All he said was that DeadYates kept talking about someone named “Tanner.” Nothing more.
After a tense scene where Mama al-Harazi sews up Baby al-Harazi’s self-inflicted thigh wound, one that suggests — perhaps — one will betray the other, we’re back to Kate and Ritter, who are finally working as a team. Kate then says, “There’s something that makes all these pieces fit together. What are we not seeing?”
HEY, KATE, HIS NAME IS JACK BAUER. I THINK YOU MET HIM ONCE. AND YOU DIDN’T LISTEN. AND THEN HE HEAD-BUTTED YOU. YEAH, THAT’S IT.
After a phone call with Benny Bratts, however, it’s clear she still doesn’t get it. Because they’re operating under the assumption that Bauer conspired with Tanner. Which essentially makes them 0-for-2 in the “following leads” department. Which is so CIA London of them.
President Heller and Audrey talk, it’s extraordinarily not important, and then we go to Jack, who’s in the middle of an anti-Tanner protest, set to enter the U.S. Embassy. As RON FAIRBANKS.
Go Ron Go.
Actually, WAIT RON WAIT — ADRIAN THE HACKER KING IS A SNAKE.
While Chloe wasn’t looking, this slime ball piece of 011010010101011 typed in a code to get Jack flagged at security.
Before we see this unfold, however, an affectionate terror love scene between Simone and Navid. Navid is having second thoughts about destroying the world and Simone tries to comfort him. Navid displays real emotion, that reminiscent of a human, whereas Simone is a cyborg programmed to smile while discussing her relationship with killing.
In case you were wondering if Mama al-Harazi was watching all of the sexy proceedings take place via security camera, the answer is yes.
The big question here, as always — does the security camera have audio?
Next we see Heller, before Parliament, unfortunately getting grilled exactly the way his chief of staff predicted. Which means, from here on out, Boudreau will be making the calls. Which is bad. And then we go to Jack, who is waiting for his security clearance. And then it gets flagged. And then Chloe tells him he needs to get out of there. So Jack runs.
And then drops off his bag.
And then beats up a dude.
And then takes his gun.
And then shoots two protestors in the knee, begins screaming “They’re shooting at us,” and then causes a mini-riot.
During the melee, however, a handful of protestors make their way into the Embassy.
GO RON FAIRBANKS GO.