Here’s your Tuesday whip-around on the stories dominating coming out of last night’s Monday Night Football games. No pads needed.

• The New England Patriots are Robert Sean Leonard in Dead Poets Society and Bill Belichick is their dad. The Pats beat the Dolphins, in Miami, 38-24 in a game that felt a lot less competitive than the score ever suggested. Tom Brady put up 517 yards in passing while marshaling a no-huddle, chuck-it-to-the-TEs offense that had Fins defenders gasping for air. Was this electric offensive performance enough to satisfy their overbearing patriarch? “We’re a long way from being a good football team right now.“

• If we were reminded last night of how thrilling football can be, it’s always nice to be dragged down to earth clutching our torn pectoral muscles. Football is brutal, and lots of guys got hurt. Let’s run it down, in case you want to either volunteer at the Red Cross or deactivate the following players from your fantasy team: For the Pats, Dan Koppen broke his ankle. For the Broncos, Elvis Dumervil (shoulder), cornerback Champ Bailey (hamstring), Brandon Lloyd (groin), and Knowshon Moreno (hamstring) all needed some medical attention. Raiders wideout Jacoby Ford hurt his hamstring. And finally, for the Dolphins, veteran Jason Taylor hurt his leg.

• Kyle Orton’s honeymoon in Denver is now over. Exhibiting the patience of a 3-year-old anxiously waiting for his mother to put Ice Age in the DVD player for him, the Broncos fans began booing their starting QB in the fourth quarter of last night’s home loss, thus prompting many in the media to begin the Tebow Countdown clock.

• It was tough first day of school for a few players last night. Reggie Bush, who joined the Dolphins from the Saints this summer, put up a very subhuman highlight reel performance, while new Patriots receiver Chad Ochocinco found it difficult to even get on the field, due somewhat in part to the Pats’ no-huddle set. On the sort of plus side, Pats defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth got a piece of a sack on Chad Henne, working pretty seamlessly as part of the Pats’ defensive line rotation.

• If anyone should be taking an ice bath with a sixer of their choice right now, it’s the offensive and defensive lines of the Oakland Raiders. The Silver and Black often put a premium on speed (like Darrius Heyward-Bey), but they won last night’s game by winning the Al Pacino Any Given Sunday game of inches. On D, the Raiders got to Kyle Orton plenty, sacking him four times, while on offense the line helped running back Darren McFadden gain 150 yards on the ground.

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