Must Watch: The Sexiest J.R. Smith Music Video on the Internet

This, via a tip from David Parker.

Are you in a private place? Is there a lotion supply nearby? Have you dimmed the lights?

Good. Because you’re about to hear the sexiest song about J.R. Smith to ever grace the Internet.

I only know two things about Milford Jerome, the genius who put “So Right” on the Internet.

1. He sounds like what would happen if you put R. Kelly’s nephew in the studio with Jaheim and Slug from Atmosphere if Slug were on some heavy dosages of Wellbutrin.

2. He only tells the truth.

Let’s review some of the most truthful lines in this slow jam dedicated to the great J.R. Smith.

0:05 When I wake up in the morning / all I say is “Damn, JR … You is scoring.” TRUE

0:35 I’m so fly, I’m so tight, my game is so riiiiiiight … Sooooo riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-yiiiiiiight. TRUE

1:00 Peep the cross-over, I crossed over from journey man to sixth man of the year … in a contract year … with an option … it’s my option to shoot or to pass … to score more you need to shoot more … Hoops galore! My teammates be like ‘No no no … yes!’ This all checks out. Also, I’d like to point out Milford James’s masterful use of inserts and the rewind function on whatever video-editing software he’s using.

1:35 Just noticed that whenever Milford Jerome uses a clip from the MSG Network, he blurs out the logo in the upper right-hand corner. Now, a cynic might say that this is to avoid the YouTube police, but I’d like to think it’s a subtle “fuck you” to James Dolan. Milford, you’re all right.

2:05 On the floor of the Garden … 2.8 mill … James Dolan, I’m a bargain. True.

2:18 My game is like … I’m a volume shooter. They say I need a permit for the scooter. R. Kelly records up to 300 songs a month, but the vast majority of these don’t see the light of day. Are we sure Kells isn’t putting out songs on YouTube under the name Milford Jerome? Because this could 100 percent happen. And who else could write these lyrics?

2:55 I’m bombing 3s from every angle … Maddeningly inconsistent … I’m bombing 3s from every which angle … An enigma … Shumpert … Get a haircuuut … Eh … that last part’s debatable, although if you’re the fifth guy to go with the high-top fade, there might be three guys in front of you who latched on to a bad idea.

Bravo, Milford Jerome. You’re a front-runner for Grantland’s NBA-themed YouTube Song of the Year Award.

Filed Under: Jay Caspian Kang, NBA, New York Knicks

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Jay Caspian Kang is a Grantland contributor. His debut novel, The Dead Do Not Improve, is on sale now.

Archive @ jaycaspiankang