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Lightning Round: The Brooklyn Nets Fire Sale

On Tuesday, Marc Stein and Ohm Youngmisuk reported that the Brooklyn Nets had put three of their foundational players — Deron Williams, Brook Lopez, and “Iso” Joe “Jesus” Johnson — on the trading block. We could not resist pointing and laughing at the misery in BK.

On Tuesday, Marc Stein and Ohm Youngmisuk reported that the Brooklyn Nets had put three of their foundational players — Deron Williams, Brook Lopez, and “Iso” Joe “Jesus” Johnson on the trading block. While putting an image of Nets GM Billy King in a Gob Bluth “I’ve Made a Huge Mistake” meme probably would have sufficed, we could not resist pointing and laughing at the misery in BK. Below is our lightning round exchange.

Bill Simmons: The Celtics have their unprotected first-round picks in 2016 and 2018 and can swap first-rounders with them in 2017.

The Celtics have their unprotected first-round picks in 2016 and 2018 and can swap first-rounders with them in 2017.

The Celtics have their unprotected first-round picks in 2016 and 2018 and can swap first-rounders with them in 2017.

The Celtics have their unprotected first-round picks in 2016 and 2018 and can swap first-rounders with them in 2017.

The Celtics have their unprotected first-round picks in 2016 and 2018 and can swap first-rounders with them in 2017.

Jason Concepcion: Fun things that have happened with the Nets season:

Lionel Hollins predictably called Brook Lopez soft.

​Lionel Hollins benched Mason Plumlee, leading Plumlee to respond, “It’s whatever, that’s my quote.”

Joe Johnson — THE DUDE WHOSE NICKNAME IS ISO JOE — called out his teammates for being selfish. More to the point, HE WAS RIGHT!

Kevin Garnett tried to bite a guy.

Andrew Sharp: The Nets don’t get enough credit for being the most depressing team in the league. They are a perfect combination of Knicks dysfunction and Lakers delusion, but without any of the charm of either. It’s become popular to bash guys like Melo and Kobe, but guys like Joe Johnson and Deron Williams (due $111 million combined through 2017) really put their bad contracts in perspective. When Mikhail Prokhorov said, “Don’t let the door heeeet you where the good lord has spleeet you,” you could tell right then it was going to be the only real highlight of the season.

Good news for Nets fans today: Trying to trade these guys represents a step in the right direction for the first time in at least two years.

Bad news for Nets fans today: The only GM who could talk himself into trading for 2014 Deron Williams or 2014 Joe Johnson is Billy King.

Danny Chau: If this means more minutes for Jerome Jordan, I’m all in. Trade everyone. Everyone except for Jerome Jordan. It’s been a while since I was as captivated by a marginal NBA player who just couldn’t do anything right on the floor as I was watching Jordan against the Cavs on Monday night. There wasn’t a single shot I saw him defend that didn’t go in.

In preseason, Lionel Hollins thought he was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, which I guess was enough to put him over FIBA World Basketball Champion Mason Plumlee in the depth chart. He is an unending pillar of a man — 7 feet tall with a 7-foot-5 wingspan — and runs like there’s a phantom 10-year-old boy strapped to his back (or maybe it’s the ghost of Plumlee). I want to see how low this can go. That is a Jamaican limbo joke. Jerome Jordan is Jamaican.

Concepcion: Billy King trying to keep track of where all his draft picks are going.

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Simmons: What a day for the Sacramento Kings — who went on the record earlier in 2014 with their philosophy that there’s something of a market inefficiency with overpaid starters. This is like an overpaid starter trade machine buffet. With that said, am I wrong to think that Joe Johnson is a legitimately intriguing trade piece? His salary isn’t as scary as it once was with the salary cap exploding. And he’s a legitimately solid closer, right? How much does he make again? Can’t be that much. (Researching.) OH MY GOD! DELETE! DELETE!!!!!!

What do you guys think would be the funniest but most reasonably realistic Nets trade? Can anyone top “Jeremy Lin and Jordan Hill for Deron Williams?” Or would Joe Johnson’s unexpected Atlanta homecoming be funnier?

Joe House: This whole interview is gold, but the Q&A on Williams, Johnson, and Lopez starting at 2:50 is special. THOSE GUYS HAVE TO GET BETTER, INTERNALLY.

Andrew Sharp: What about Lance to Brooklyn for Joe Johnson? Can that work? Charlotte gets two years of a shooting guard that doesn’t ruin their team? Brooklyn homecoming for Lance???

Concepcion: I tried to get on the Trade Machine but as soon as I put Johnson and Williams in there, my computer started spontaneously playing Joy Division, then suddenly shut off.

Sharp: Brooooooooooooooklynnnnnnnnnnnn