Fantasy Fantasy Football: The Experts’ Week 13 Picks

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It’s time again for the most important weekly feature on the Internet: Fantasy Fantasy Football. Throughout the NFL season, we’ll be evaluating five fantasy football gurus as they tell us who to start and sit each week. Using a highly flawed method based loosely on mathematical principles, we’ll attempt to reveal the one true football prophet. (Here’s how it works: A pick counts in their favor if he ends up in the top half of the weekly scoring leaders. There are four categories — QBs, RBs, WRs, Defense/Special Teams — and points are awarded on a 5-1 scale in each.) The experts are:

1. Matthew Berry
2. Michael Fabiano
3. Mike Harmon*
4. Eric Mack*
5. Jamey Eisenberg

*As usual, we’ll be taking the first five picks only from Mack to balance the numbers.

Weekly Results and Winners

Week 1 — (tie) Matthew Berry and Jamey Eisenberg
Week 2 — Eric Mack
Week 3 — Mike Harmon
Week 4 — Michael Fabiano
Week 5 — Eric Mack
Week 6 — Eric Mack
Week 7 — Eric Mack
Week 8 — Eric Mack
Week 9 — Michael Fabiano
Week 10 — Eric Mack
Week 11 — Matthew Berry
Week 12 – Matthew Berry

Folks, it’s time to get serious. This is the final week of the regular season. At the end of last week, Fabiano was trailing Mack by 3.5 points for the regular season title. Is it possible to make up that kind of ground? He certainly needs to get off to a fast start. Mack has not trailed in the standings since Week 2, but he’s now holding on for dear life.


5 points: Mike Harmon

Yes: Matt Moore, Ben Roethlisberger, Tim Tebow, Carson Palmer, Matt Hasselbeck = 4/5
No: Matt Ryan, Mark Sanchez, Andy Dalton, Joe Flacco = 4/4
Total: 9/10

4 points: Michael Fabiano

Yes: Eli Manning, Matt Ryan, Matt Moore, Tim Tebow, Matthew Stafford = 4/5
No: Carson Palmer, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Joe Flacco, Andy Dalton, Sam Bradford = 3/4 (Bradford didn’t play)
Total: 7/9

3 points: Jamey Eisenberg

Yes: Ben Roethlisberger, Tim Tebow, Eli Manning, Vince Young, Matt Moore = 4/5
No: Rex Grossman, Carson Palmer, Joe Flacco, Andy Dalton, Christian Ponder = 3/5
Total: 7/10

2 points: Eric Mack

Yes: Cam Newton, Vince Young, Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Ryan, Carson Palmer = 3/5
No: Andy Dalton, Joe Flacco, Kevin Kolb = 2/3
Total: 5/8

1 point: Matthew Berry

Yes: Tony Romo, Tim Tebow, Vince Young, Matt Moore = 3/4
No: Philip Rivers, Carson Palmer = 0/2
Total: 3/6

Interlude 1: Fabiano is Making His Move

Instead of the usual interludes, we’ll be checking in on the Fabiano-Mack duel. And Fabiano has gained two points! He now trails Mack by just 1.5! Incredible. It’s like watching a marathon where one player drafts until the final half-mile, and then makes his kick …

Running Backs

5 points: Michael Fabiano

Yes: Chris Johnson, Willis McGahee, Reggie Bush, BenJarvus Green-Ellis = 3/4
No: Peyton Hillis, Shonn Greene, Mike Tolbert, James Starks, Jackie Battle = 4/5
Total: 7/9

3.5 points: Eric Mack

Yes: Marshawn Lynch, Chris Johnson, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Shonn Greene, DeAngelo Williams = 3/5
No: Donald Brown, Roy Helu, Jackie Battle, Ben Tate, Peyton Hillis = 4/5
Total: 7/10

3.5 points: Jamey Eisenberg

Yes: Ryan Mathews, Willis McGahee, DeAngelo Williams, Darren Sproles, Kevin Smith = 2/5
No: Toby Gerhart, Cedric Benson, James Starks, Ben Tate, Peyton Hillis = 5/5
Total: 7/10

2 points: Mike Harmon

Yes: LeGarrette Blount, Chris Johnson, DeAngelo Williams, Roy Helu, Reggie Bush = 3/5
No: Michael Turner, Steven Jackson, Michael Bush, Rashard Mendenhall = 3/4
Total: 6/9

1 point: Matthew Berry

Yes: Frank Gore, LeGarrette Blount, Reggie Bush, BenJarvus Green-Ellis = 1/4
No: Ryan Mathews, Steven Jackson, Toby Gerhart, Peyton Hillis, Kevin Smith = 4/5
Total: 5/9

Interlude 2: We’re Tied Up!

Oh, what drama! What humanity! Fabiano has tied it up. I can’t believe it. With two categories remaining, after three grueling weeks, we have a tie for first! Eisenberg has played spoiler by stealing a half-point from Mack at the crucial moment!


4.5 points: Michael Fabiano

Yes: Victor Cruz, Jordy Nelson, Eric Decker, Michael Crabtree, Reggie Wayne = 1/5
No: Stevie Johnson, Anquan Boldin, Santonio Holmes, Mike Williams, Santana Moss = 5/5
Total: 6/10

4.5 points: Jamey Eisenberg

Yes: Antonio Brown, Percy Harvin, Eric Decker, DeSean Jackson, Reggie Wayne = 1/5
No: Anquan Boldin, Santana Moss, Dwayne Bowe, Jerome Simpson, Santonio Holmes = 5/5
Total: 6/10

3 points: Eric Mack

Yes: DeSean Jackson, Stevie Johnson, Reggie Wayne, Deion Branch, Santonio Holmes = 0/5
No: Doug Baldwin, David Nelson, Santana Moss, Jerome Simpson, Steve Breaston = 5/5
Total: 5/10

1.5 points: Mike Harmon

Yes: Reggie Wayne, Antonio Brown, Michael Crabtree, Stevie Johnson, Mike Williams = 1/5
No: Vincent Jackson, Anquan Boldin, Santonio Holmes, Percy Harvin = 2/4
Total: 3/9

1.5 points: Matthew Berry

Yes: Brandon Marshall, Laurent Robinson, Antonio Brown, Eric Decker, Deion Branch = 0/5
No: Percy Harvin, Santana Moss, Dwayne Bowe, Anquan Boldin = 3/4
Total: 3/9

Interlude 3: Ladies and Gentlemen!

We have a report from the field: Entering the final category of the regular season, Eric Mack has lost his overall lead for the first time since Week 2! Fabiano is up by a point and a half! I’ve never seen anything like it! Mack is staggering, and Fabiano looks stronger than ever! Oh, what a show!

Defense/Special Teams

5 points: Michael Fabiano

Yes: 49ers, Patriots, Cowboys = 2/3
No: Giants, Lions, Raiders = 3/3
Total: 5/6

4 points: Mike Harmon

Yes: Broncos, Jaguars, Chargers = 2/3
No: Lions, Texans, Bengals = 2/3
Total: 4/6

3 points: Eric Mack

Yes: Patriots, Jets, Steelers = 2/3
No: Titans, Buccaneers, Panthers = 1/3
Total: 3/6

2 points: Matthew Berry

Yes: Patriots, Jaguars, Broncos = 1/3
No: Lions, Packers = 1/2
Total: 2/5

1 point: Jamey Eisenberg

Yes: Patriots = 0/1
No: Texans = 0/1
Total: 0/2

The Results

HE’S DONE IT! Michael Fabiano has done the unthinkable! He’s absorbed the body blows from Eric Mack’s incredible mid-season run, and he’s come through in the end with the most dramatic of victories! Ohhhh MY!

First, the weekly totals, and would you believe that when he needed it most, Fabiano set a Fantasy Fantasy weekly record?

1. Fabiano — 18.5 points
2. Harmon — 12.5 points
2. Eisenberg — 12 points
4. Mack — 11.5 points
5. Berry – 5.5

Overall Standings

After the greatest collapse in Fantasy Fantasy Football history, I present to you, the reader, your regular season champion: Michael Fabiano!

1. Fabiano — 155
Mack — 151.5
3. Eisenberg — 128
5. Harmon — 124.5
4. Berry — 120.5

The playoffs begin next week with a semifinal play-in between Harmon and Berry. The winner of that match will advance to the semifinals in Week 15, where they’ll face Fabiano.

Previously by Shane Ryan:
About Last Night: The Big East Goes West
About Last Night: A Rivers Runs Through It
College Football Recap: Ten Things of Note

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