Fantasy Fantasy Football: The Experts’ Week 10 Picks

It’s time again for the most important weekly feature on the Internet: Fantasy Fantasy Football. Throughout the NFL season, we’ll be evaluating five fantasy football gurus as they tell us who to start and sit each week. Using a highly flawed method based loosely on mathematical principles, we’ll attempt to reveal the one true football prophet. (Here’s how it works: A pick counts in their favor if he ends up in the top half of the weekly scoring leaders. There are four categories — QBs, RBs, WRs, Defense/Special Teams — and points are awarded on a 5-1 scale in each.) The experts are:

1. Matthew Berry
2. Michael Fabiano
3. Mike Harmon*
4. Eric Mack
5. Jamey Eisenberg

*As usual, we’ll be taking the first five picks only from Harmon to balance the numbers.

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT

Two weeks ago, Matthew Berry had a bye. He’s back, but in order to balance the scoring, each fantasy expert has to take a week off. Mack was off last week, and this is Fabiano’s bye week. In his absence, point totals will range from 4 to 1 in each category. Here’s the remaining bye week schedule:

Week 11 — Jamey Eisenberg
Week 12 — Mike Harmon

Weekly Results and Winners

Week 1 — (tie) Matthew Berry and Jamey Eisenberg
Week 2 — Eric Mack
Week 3 — Mike Harmon
Week 4 — Michael Fabiano
Week 5 — Eric Mack
Week 6 — Eric Mack
Week 7 — Eric Mack
Week 8 – Eric Mack
Week 9 – Michael Fabiano

Quarterbacks

3.5 points: Eric Mack

Yes: Philip Rivers, Matt Ryan, Ben Roethlisberger, Tony Romo, Matt Schaub = 5/5
No: Andy Dalton, Josh Freeman, John Beck, Tim Tebow, Matt Hasselbeck = 2/5
Total: 7/10

3.5 points: Jamey Eisenberg

Yes: Eli Manning, Matt Ryan, Matt Cassel, Tim Tebow, Mark Sanchez = 4/5
No: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Joe Flacco, Matt Hasselbeck, Andy Dalton, Josh Freeman = 3/5
Total: 7/10

1.5 points: Matthew Berry

Yes: Michael Vick, Philip Rivers, Mark Sanchez, Tim Tebow = 3/4
No: Tony Romo, Ryan Fitzpatrick = 1/2
Total: 4/6

1.5 point: Mike Harmon

Yes: Tim Tebow, Carson Palmer, Matt Ryan, Ben Roethlisberger, Jay Cutler = 4/5
No: Tom Brady, Matt Schaub, Josh Freeman, Andy Dalton = 2/4
Total: 6/9

Interlude 1: Fake Fantasy Advice You Should Not Heed

In Week 11, start yourself on your own fantasy team in the streaker position, then go to a football game and run naked on the field.

Running Backs

4 points: Eric Mack

Yes: Michael Bush, Ryan Mathews, Darren Sproles, Michael Turner, Rashard Mendenhall = 3/5
No: Pierre Thomas, Cedric Benson, Felix Jones, Joseph Addai, Ahmad Bradshaw = 5/5
Total: 8/10

2.5 points: Jamey Eisenberg

Yes: Mike Tolbert, Reggie Bush, Willis McGahee, Pierre Thomas, Rashard Mendenhall = 2/5
No: James Starks, Maurice Morris, Brandon Jacobs, DeAngelo Williams, Cedric Benson = 5/5
Total: 7/10

2.5 points: Matthew Berry

Yes: DeMarco Murray, Michael Bush, Roy Helu, Willis McGahee, Ben Tate = 3/5
No: Jackie Battle, Marshawn Lynch, James Starks, Brandon Jacobs, Jonathan Stewart = 4/5
Total: 7/10

1 point: Mike Harmon

Yes: Ryan Mathews, Chris Johnson, Michael Bush, Willis McGahee, Jackie Battle = 2/5
No: Cedric Benson, James Starks, Marshawn Lynch, Brandon Jacobs = 3/4
Total: 5/9

Interlude 2: Nostradamus Quote that Sounds like a Fantasy Fantasy Football Prediction

From here:

Through great dangers the captive escaped:
In a short time great his fortune changed.
In the palace the people are trapped,
Through good omen the city besieged.

This can only refer to Matthew Berry, who faces the great danger of finishing last in Fantasy Fantasy Football. Nostradamus is predicting a comeback! I’m not sure what this “In the palace the people are trapped” business means, though. Hopefully nobody gets hurt.

Receivers

4 points: Eric Mack

Yes: Vincent Jackson, Marques Colston, Roddy White, Mike Wallace, A.J. Green = 2/5
No: Darrius Heyward-Bey, Devery Henderson, Antonio Brown, Jerome Simpson, Mike Williams = 5/5
Total: 7/10

3 points: Jamey Eisenberg

Yes: Santonio Holmes, Julio Jones, Antonio Brown, Jordy Nelson, Mario Manningham = 3/5
No: Nate Washington, Pierre Garcon, Mike Williams, Deion Branch = 3/4
Total: 6/9

2 points: Mike Harmon

Yes: Santonio Holmes, Antonio Brown, Julio Jones, Brandon Lloyd, Percy Harvin = 2/5
No: Stevie Johnson, Mike Williams, Pierre Garcon = 3/3
Total: 5/8

1 point: Matthew Berry

Yes: Jeremy Maclin, Anquan Boldin, Julio Jones, Jordy Nelson, Antonio Brown = 1/5
No: Percy Harvin, Mike Williams = 2/2
Total: 3/7

Interlude 3: False Memory About Hanging Out with a Fantasy Expert That is Actually a Scene from Midnight Cowboy

After I moved to New York from Texas to start my career, I met Jamey Eisenberg. He lived on the streets and was savvy, and one day, when we went to a party with a buffet, he started putting all the food in the pocket of his big coat. A woman saw him and said, “why are you stealing food? Gee, you know, it’s free. You don’t have to steal it.” Eisenberg looked at her and said, “well, if it’s free, then I ain’t stealin’.”

Defense/Special Teams

4 points: Mike Harmon

Yes: Dolphins, Rams = 2/2
No: Bengals, 49ers = 1/2
Total: 3/4

2.5 points: Eric Mack

Yes: Chargers, Steelers, Cowboys = 2/3
No: Raiders, Saints, Falcons = 1/2
Total: 3/5

2.5 points: Matthew Berry

Yes: Jaguars = 1/1
No: None
Total: 1/1

1 point: Jamey Eisenberg

Yes: Eagles = 1/1
No: Bears = 0/1
Total: 1/2

The Results

Coming off a week of rest, Eric Mack was in top form. He’s now undefeated in his last five weeks, and has all but wrapped up the regular season championship. It would take an amazing comeback from Fabiano to snatch the 1-seed from his grasp.

1. Mack — 14 points
2. Eisenberg — 10 points
3. Harmon — 8.5 points
3. Berry — 7.5 points

Overall Standings

Mack is back in the lead, and Fabiano remains in second despite having a bye. Things at the bottom remain largely the same.

1. Mack — 124
2. Fabiano — 115
3. Eisenberg* — 108
4. Harmon* — 103
5. Berry — 89.5

*Have yet to sit out their bye week.

See you next week, when Eisenberg will be sitting out and nervously hoping to stay out of the basement.

Eds. note: This post has been updated with a scoring change.

Previously by Shane Ryan:
903 Wins: Coach K and the Record
About Last Night: Vacation Season
College Football Recap: The 8 Best Finishes of Week 11
The Return of the Most Depressed Fan Bases
Week 11 College Football Preview: BCS Countdown
Fantasy Fantasy Football: The Experts’ Week 9 Picks


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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere