Brodyssey Resumes: Lane Kiffin Alights in Tuscaloosa As Offensive CoordinatorHolly Anderson/Grantland Illustration
[THE PEACH BOWL — 1912]
MIKE SLIVE, SEC COMMISSIONER: You lost today, kid. But that doesn’t mean you have to like it.
[SLIVE places a visor on a young LANE KIFFIN’s head at a rakish angle, the hat brim blocking the boy’s face.]
[CLOSE ON THE TOP OF THE FEDORA HAT. The hat brim fills the screen. As the brim tilts up, WE SEE … the face of FULL-GROWN LANE KIFFIN.]
[And … POW! … he’s punched in the face while his arms are pinned behind his back.]
[FADE IN TITLE: “ALABAMA COAST — 1938″]
SLIVE: Small world, Coach Kiffin.
KIFFIN: Too small for two of us.
[SLIVE (years older now) removes A CRYSTAL FOOTBALL THAT HAS BEEN FASHIONED INTO A BEER BONG HELMET from Kiffin’s fanny pack.]
SLIVE: This is the second time I’ve had to reclaim my conference’s property from you.
KIFFIN: That belongs in a museum!
SLIVE: So do you!
KIFFIN (muttering): Your FACE belongs in a museum.
Forgive us, Jeffrey Boam.