Dear Danica Patrick,
How are you? Me? I’m good. Dealing with a sinus infection, but I’ll be fine.
Here’s the deal. I like you. Not in a romantic way, but I’m a fan of car racing. Always have been. Huge fan, actually. I go to two NASCAR races a year and have followed auto racing all my life (I’m 33). I’m writing to let you know I’m not happy with a few choices you have made.
Now, I understand the sport and how sponsorships work, but your GoDaddy commercials are borderline porn, and I want to help you out. You are an extremely talented race car driver. I have watched you race over the past several years and have enjoyed watching you succeed. Hell, I even got a tear in my eye when you won your first race in Japan. My problem with your commercials is that you could have set the standard for young aspiring female race car drivers. You could have shown them that talent and hard work can get you to the big time. Instead, you made a series of racy commercials for GoDaddy and now there is probably some 8-year-old girl asking her dad if she has to put on a bikini in order to be a successful race car driver. You should have kept your clothes on and let your talent speak for itself, because you are in fact a talented person. Instead you took the low road and bought into the “sex sells” part of business. I’m not some crazy feminist, not by any means. But you are the face of female racing. When someone says, “Name a female race car driver.” Your name is basically the only one that is going to come up. I know you are entering the world of NASCAR full-time and you will continue on with the GoDaddy sponsorship. But don’t you think it’s fucked up how Mark Martin and Dale Earnhardt Jr. get to keep their clothes on and still drive? You’re an attractive gal and yes you have a great figure. But damn, Danica. Keep your clothes on and let your driving do the talking. If you have some advisor pushing you into doing those commercials, tell him or her to fuck off. You got where you are because of talent. Don’t forget that. Best of luck to you. Feel free to write back, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject.
Jenny Johnson is a television news producer and comedy writer living in Houston, Texas. She’s adorable, foul-mouthed and can do 20 girly-style push-ups. Follow Jenny’s filthy humor on Twitter at @JennyJohnsonHi5
Read more of The Triangle, Grantland’s sports blog.
Contact us at email@example.com