About Last Weekend: Rolled Tide

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In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports over the weekend.

  • In a battle of the top-ranked teams in college football, LSU beat Alabama 9-6 in overtime. The whole game was like a chess match, with both teams playing cautious, slow football with an emphasis on defense. Also, Les Miles kept referring to quarterback Jarrett Lee as “my b-pawn.”

  • Arkansas won its top-10 clash with South Carolina, using Tyler Wilson’s 299 yards passing to pull away for a late 44-28 victory. The game was close until the fourth quarter, when the obscene pig squeals coming from the crowd finally seeped into South Carolina’s psyche, causing a collective mental breakdown and handing the Razorbacks the win.
  • Oklahoma State maintained its perfect record and moved up to second in the BCS standings with a 52-45 win over Kansas St. As of now, the Cowboys are the best team in college football among those who think defense is a crass tactic reserved for the lower classes.
  • The SEC has accepted Missouri for the 2012-13 season. Sources indicate that Missouri may have to pay an exit fee of $26 million to leave the Big 12. Just out of curiosity, is there any way to employ the “exit fee” concept in romantic relationships? I’m asking for a friend of mine.
  • With his back to the wall, Eli Manning led the Giants on a game-winning drive over Tom Brady and the Patriots, throwing a touchdown pass to Jake Ballard with just 15 seconds remaining. Afterward, Ballard told reporters that he plans to celebrate in about nine months by hitting up the New York nightclubs with a pistol in his pants.
  • The drama continued on Sunday night, when Joe Flacco threw a touchdown strike to Torrey Smith with eight seconds remaining as the Ravens beat the Steelers 23-20. It’s only the second sweep of the regular season series for the Ravens since the franchise moved to Baltimore in 1996, so Cleveland fans are probably super happy about that.
  • The Green Bay Packers are undefeated at the halfway point of the season. Aaron Rodgers threw four touchdown passes, and San Diego’s Philip Rivers threw three interceptions as the Packers held on for a 45-38 win. When reached for comments, Jets coach Rex Ryan said that if he had Rivers’ talent, he would’ve thrown nine touchdown passes and won by 40.
  • David Beckham and the Los Angeles Galaxy advanced to the MLS Cup championship with a 3-1 win over Real Salt Lake. They’ll meet the Houston Dynamo, who won the eastern conference championship with a 2-0 win over Sporting Kansas City. Meanwhile, American sports fans were last spotted rolling on the ground in a cold panic, begging for nicknames that had a color, an animal, or at least ended with an “s.”

Filed Under: About Last Weekend, Alabama, Baltimore Ravens, Green Bay Packers, LSU, NBA Lockout, New England Patriots, New York Giants, Oklahoma State, Pittsburgh Steelers, San Diego Chargers, South Carolina

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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere