About Last Weekend: Coming Up Roses
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports over the weekend.
- In a fast-paced, entertaining game, De’Anthony Thomas rushed for 155 yards on just two carries as Oregon won its first Rose Bowl in 95 years with a 45-38 win over Wisconsin. Photographs from the last victory, in 1917, show that rather than their trademark green-and-yellow, the Ducks used to wear black-and-white uniforms.
- No. 3 Oklahoma State won the Fiesta Bowl, defeating No. 4 Stanford 41-38 in overtime on the strength of Justin Blackmon’s 186 yards receiving and three touchdowns. “This is the most excited I’ve been since the last time Oregon won the Rose Bowl,” said OSU quarterback Brandon Weeden.
- The playoffs are set in the NFL. The Giants beat the Cowboys 31-14 on the final weekend of the regular season to win the NFC East and earn a home game next weekend against Atlanta. It was a heartbreaking loss for the Cowboys, but to team owner Jerry Jones’ credit, his expression never changed.
- Despite losing 7-3 to the Kansas City Chiefs, Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos won the AFC West with an 8-8 record and will host a playoff game against the Steelers. “Oh boy, the Steelers?” said Tebow. “We’re going to need a miracle.” Then he winked at the camera in a really annoying way.
- The Ravens clinched the no. 2 seed in the AFC and a first-round bye with a 24-16 win over the Bengals, who backed into the playoffs as a wild card despite the loss. That means the 8-8 New York Jets miss the playoffs, and indeed, coach Rex Ryan admitted to reporters that he didn’t have the pulse of the team. “I also can’t see my own feet,” Ryan said. “Though I’m not really sure why I’m telling you this.”
- For the full NFL playoff schedule, see here. For the full schedule of Jerry Sandusky’s upcoming public speaking engagements, see here.
- After a 5-0 start, the Miami Heat finally lost their first game of the season, falling to Joe Johnson (21 points) and Atlanta 100-92. The Hawks used a 15-3 run at the start of the fourth to seal the game, and were aided by the fact that Chris Bosh couldn’t stop crying, LeBron James couldn’t stop shivering, and Shane Battier couldn’t stop reading the “R” volume of the encyclopedia.
- Dirk Nowitzki scored 26 points as the Mavericks knocked off the other remaining unbeaten team, defeating the Thunder 100-87. “But then, you can never really defeat the thunder, can you?” asked a philosophical Nowitzki, in a sort of terrifying German accent.
- No. 15 Indiana pulled off its second stunning upset of the season, using 17 points from Jordan Hulls to defeat no. 2 Ohio State 74-70 in Bloomington. Hulls, a hometown hero, really got into the whole Hoosier thing when he started shooting free throws underhand and yelling out for the “weave” play, but most agree he overdid it when he brought a cornstalk onto the court.
- Kentucky’s Michael Kidd-Gilchrist scored 24 points and grabbed 19 rebounds as the no. 3 Wildcats topped rival Louisville (no. 4) 69-62. After the final whistle, when Rick Pitino and John Calipari shook hands, it was briefly possible to see Satan’s head rising from halfcourt.
- Literally tens of people were hip to the dated Elvis reference/riddle I unleashed in the last post of 2011, and here are a couple of the winners:
- Jim Dowling said: Elvis Presley: (Let Me Be) Your Teddy Bear. Sadly, I sing this song to my children quite often. The amazing loss of cool that accompanies parenthood!
- Austin Armstrong said: That was a reference to Elvis Presley’s Teddy Bear song. Perhaps he should’ve gone to Baylor.
- Jeffrey Roizen said: Did you think he would rather be a lion? He ain’t the kind … And who among us can truly say they want a chain around their neck.
- Scott Holland said: I assume you got several emailers who understood your reference to the Elvis song, (Let Me Be Your) Teddby Bear, though I assume most of them know the song more from Full House reruns and less from growing up listening to the oldies station instead of anything resembling mainstream until nearly the end of high school.
- Scott, are you … me? Well done, fellas. And Happy New Year to everyone else.
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