About Last Weekend: Bubba Gets His Green On

WatsonIn case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports over the weekend.

  • Bubba Watson shot a final round 68 and defeated Louis Oosthuizen on the second playoff hole with an excellent iron from the rough to win the Masters. He wept after he made the shot, which marks the first time in history that a “Bubba” has cried over something other than a raccoon getting into the fried chicken. He later chuckled about his tears, which was the first time a Bubba has laughed at something other than an old Hee Haw episode on Betamax.
  • Oosthuizen hit a double eagle on the second hole Sunday — only the fourth time that feat has been accomplished at the Masters, and the first on television — and the fan who ended up with the ball, Wayne Mitchell, returned it to Augusta National. Neither side would discuss the terms of the deal they made, but it was curious that when Mitchell left the course, he was wearing a green jacket, and a furious Arnold Palmer was chained to a radiator in Butler Cabin.
  • Carmelo Anthony scored 43 points to lead the Knicks to a 100-99 overtime victory over the Bulls Sunday. Meanwhile, Knicks guard Jeremy Lin said his rehabilitation is going well, but that he probably won’t return for the first round of the playoffs. “Don’t even worry about the playoffs,” Anthony told him. “You just keep running those rehabilitation stairs. Remember, the faster you go on the way down, the quicker you’ll heal.”
  • The Tigers finished a three-game sweep of the Red Sox when Alex Avila hit a two-out home run to give his team a 13-12 extra-innings win on Sunday. Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine took the blame for sending Clay Buchholz out for an 11th straight difficult inning, but said he was busy writing little bits of banter he could use in the press conference. “Check this one out,” he said. “When they ask me, ‘Bobby, how did you guys lose this one?’ I go, ‘I don’t know, how did you lose all your hair?’” He paused, grinning expectantly. “That has to be a bald guy, for that one. If it’s a woman I could use, ‘How did you lose your good looks?’ No, you’re right, that one’s crap, but listen to this … “
  • The Yankees also fell victim to a sweep, losing 3-0 Sunday to Jeremy Hellickson and the Rays. “We’re proud to note that we’re not overreacting to these losses,” said Yankees fans in a statement released this morning. “We’ve only hung Joe Girardi in effigy, and we’re prepared to return his wife and daughter completely unharmed when the team is 10 games above .500.”
  • In his Baltimore Orioles debut, Jason Hammel took a no-hitter into the eighth inning and delivered a 3-1 win over the Twins. “It was more sad than anything,” said Hammel. “A lot of their ‘bats’ were just tree branches that still had little leaves on them, and I think Justin Morneau was wearing hospital slippers. Someone should put the Twins out of their misery.”
  • A crowd of 15,000 attended Easter services in Texas to hear Tim Tebow speak. When it turned out that there were only enough fish and loaves for about 100 people, Tebow miraculously created more, but then ruined everything when his attempt to throw them to the worshipers fell incomplete on the filthy ground.
  • Kansas coach Bill Self told ESPN that Jayhawks junior Thomas Robinson will forgo his senior season and enter the NBA draft. An excited Robinson told reporters that he already has his new Kentucky hat ready for the podium in case they select him.
  • Serena Williams defeated Lucie Safarova 6-0, 6-1 to win her 40th WTA title at the Family Circle Cup. “Let me just say first and foremost that I’m a huge fan of the comic strip, and I’m honored to win the title named in its honor,” said Serena. A nervous sponsor quickly explained that The Family Circle is a women’s magazine, and Serena was confusing it with The Family Circus. “Don’t care,” said Serena. “I love that crazy Jeffy. So hilarious. And Bil Keane is such a turn-on.”

Filed Under: About Last Weekend, Baltimore Orioles, Boston Red Sox, Carmelo Anthony, Chicago Bulls, Detroit Tigers, Minnesota Twins, New York Knicks, New York Yankees, Tampa Bay Rays, Tim Tebow

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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere