About Last Night: Crown The Yankees

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

  • The Yankees have clinched the American League East. A clutch 8th-inning single by Jorge Posada put the Bombers past the Rays 4-2. Posada admitted that he thought his hit came in the ninth inning, and wondered why everyone wasn’t running off the field. Later, while his teammates were spraying champagne on each other, he asked manager Joe Girardi why the World Series was just one game this year.

  • With a chance to put a stranglehold on their wild-card position, the Red Sox blew yet another late lead and lost to the Orioles 6-4. Relief spread across the city of Boston when they heard that the Yankees won, an emotion followed closely by extreme self-loathing.
  • The Angels meanwhile, used a Vernon Wells home run to beat the Blue Jays 7-2 and make their wild-card candidacy a bit less improbable. After the game, savvy Angels manager Mike Scioscia had a plan. “To catch a wild card, you must become a wild card,” he said. He then put on a jester’s cap and began capering in the locker room.
  • The NFL has threatened fines and suspensions for the practice of faking injuries to gain a tactical advantage. Is it me, or is this just a really unethical way for the NFL to keep Europeans out of the game?
  • Tony Romo’s fractured rib is giving him so much pain that it hurts him to laugh. Unfortunately, he picked this week to review tape of his old playoff performances.
  • Javier Vazquez pitched seven scoreless innings to lead the Marlins to a 7-2 win over the Braves. The Marlins are reduced to playing spoiler in the wild-card race, which gave manager Jack McKeon a chance to pull his famous prank where he puts a rotting marlin in the visitor’s locker room. This year, he made sure it was dead first.
  • David Freese (5 RBI) and the Cardinals took advantage of the Braves’ loss, winning 6-5 against the Mets to pull within 1.5 games of the wild card. After the game, savvy Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa had a plan. “To catch a wild card, you must become a wild card,” he said. He then put on a Queen of Spades costume and began cackling in the dark.
  • In the wake of Syracuse and Pittsburgh’s departure, East Carolina has applied to join the Big East. In response, the Big East sighed deeply and began re-reading Lori Gottlieb’s “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.”
  • Sources have indicated that Dan Beebe is stepping down as commissioner of the Big 12. Oklahoma would reportedly only stay in the conference if Beebe left, and so the process began. This was actually supposed to happen before, but the Big 12 made the mistake of hiring former Cowboy Leon Lett to sign the ceremonial final paper, and Beebe knocked the pen out of his hand when Lett started hot-dogging.

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Filed Under: About Last Night, Atlanta Braves, Big East, Boston Red Sox, Dallas Cowboys, New York Yankees, NFL, Tampa Bay Rays, Tony Romo

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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere