About Last Night: Welcome Back, College Hoops

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Monday.

  • Despite a shaky finish, the No. 16 Arizona Wildcats used 16 points from Kyle Fogg to defeat Valparaiso 73-64 on the first night of the college basketball season. “We’re not the 16th-ranked team in the country,” head coach Sean Miller said. “Maybe at some point we can get to that spot, but we still have a ways to go.” Somewhere in a dark basement, the shadowy genius behind the AP poll glowered at the television. “You’ll pay for this, Miller,” he said, sipping a glass of warm milk and running his other hand through a box of fine-grain sand.

  • Dee Bost scored 23 points as Mississippi State opened their season with a 76-66 win over Eastern Kentucky in the 2K Sports Classic benefiting Coaches vs. Cancer. With the loss, Eastern Kentucky moves up to No. 16 in the latest AP poll.
  • Nurideen Lindsey scored 19 points, and God’sgift Achiuw and Moe Harkless each added 17, to lead St. John’s past William & Mary 74-59. “I told you he was special,” said Achiuw’s mother.
  • The Eagles blew a fourth quarter lead for the fourth time this season as Jay Cutler (208 yards passing, 2 touchdowns) and Matt Forte (133 yards rushing) led the Bears to a 30-24 win. To add insult to injury, Bears coach Lovie Smith told reporters he was probably going to celebrate by buying that nude Michael Vick photo.
  • A “source” has reported that several owners are upset with David Stern’s latest offer to the players of a 50/50 revenue split, and hope they refuse. In other news, Don West and Eddie Lewis are infuriated about the insanely low price of this Shaq Plaque, and can’t believe it includes a poster of Shaq soaring through the clouds.
  • Steve Williams, Tiger Woods’ former caddie, has apologized for a racial slur he directed at Woods last Friday. Not only is racism harmful and degrading, but Williams’ epithet completely ignored half of Woods’ racial heritage.
  • After two difficult seasons and an ongoing 12-game SEC losing streak, Ole Miss football coach Houston Nutt is resigning. “It’s been a Nutty ride,” he said, continuing a habit of using his name in sentences. “I’ve got Nutting but good memories, but in the end I couldn’t Nutt the mustard.” “And that’s why he had to go,” said chancellor Dan Jones, standing nearby and looking crazed.
  • The San Francisco Giants have landed outfielder Melky Cabrera in a trade with the Royals, losing starting pitcher Jonathan Sanchez in the process. Most experts called the trade “fair,” inasmuch that neither side really seemed to care or even notice that a trade had been made.

Filed Under: About Last Night

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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere