About Last Night: Uh-oh, the Madness Has Begun

YoungIn case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Tuesday.

  • The BYU Cougars staged a furious comeback — the largest in NCAA tournament history — to erase a 25-point deficit and beat the Iona Gaels 78-72. “What a great night for Mormons!” said head coach Dave Rose. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney stood alone in the glow of a TV screen at his campaign headquarters, sipping a V8 and just grinning the biggest, saddest grin you’ve ever seen.
  • In the other First Four game, Western Kentucky managed a comeback of its own, roaring back from 16 points down in the final five minutes to beat Mississippi Valley State 59-58. The Hilltoppers now advance to face top-seeded Kentucky in the next round, which may explain why their coach kept trying to send his confused walk-ons in during the critical run.
  • Syracuse center Fab Melo has been ruled ineligible for the NCAA tournament as result of an unspecified infraction, dealing a huge blow to the Orange national title hopes. No word yet on the nature of the violation, since reporters, out of respect for Melo, didn’t do their homework.
  • Patrick Patterson blocked Serge Ibaka’s shot with two seconds left as the Rockets beat the Thunder on the road 104-103. Normally Ibaka wouldn’t have been the one taking the final shot, but Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook were having a poorly timed slap fight at half court.
  • Bulls guard Derrick Rose was fined $25,000 for blasting referees after a win against the Knicks on Monday. NBA commissioner David Stern told reporters that the money would go into an emergency fund designed to ensure that more calls would go against Rose, eliciting more fines, in a scheme he called “a potential gold mine.”
  • Meanwhile, the Bulls are looking to acquire Lakers forward Pau Gasol. “I told myself I’d see that big man dance before I died,” said Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau, weirding everyone out.
  • The Milwaukee Bucks traded Andrew Bogut and Stephen Jackson to the Golden State Warriors for Monta Ellis, Ekpe Udoh, and Kwame Brown. “We just wanted to see if anyone would notice,” explained someone from one of the teams, whose name is already lost to history.
  • The Miami Dolphins traded wide receiver Brandon Marshall to the Bears for two future draft picks. Sources told the New York Post that last Sunday, Marshall punched a woman in a New York City nightclub, leaving her with a black eye. When the story came out, the Dolphins assured their distraught fans that they’d use the draft picks to acquire two more really crazy people.
  • In NFL action, wide receiver Vincent Jackson signed a five-year, $55 million contract with the Buccaneers, and Marques Colston signed a five-year deal worth around $40 million with the Saints.”I could have signed with a different team for way more,” said Colston. His face darkened as he looked nervously around to see if anyone was listening, and he lowered his voice to a whisper. “But then I’d have to face the bounty.”

Filed Under: About Last Night, Chicago Bulls, Derrick Rose, Miami Dolphins, NCAA tournament, New Orleans Saints, Pau Gasol, Syracuse, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere