About Last Night: The Dream Team Nightmare

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In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Thursday.

  • Marshawn Lynch rushed for 148 yards and two touchdowns as the Seahawks beat the Eagles 31-14. Afterward, Philadelphia head coach Andy Reid was so ashamed that he shaved off his mustache and tried to disguise himself as a normal fat guy, but the plan failed when a group of Patriots fans heckled him for his foot fetish.

  • Tyler Bitancurt hit a 28-yard field goal as time expired to give West Virginia a 30-27 win over South Florida and at least a share of the Big East title. Less than 30 minutes after the final whistle, the school put the share on Craigslist in the “free” section.
  • Texas A&M has fired head football coach Mike Sherman. In response, Sherman wrote a long letter defending himself, but its impact was limited because he blew the lead.
  • The Minnesota Vikings have released veteran quarterback Donovan McNabb. “He’ll be happier in the wild,” a team spokesman said.
  • Peyton Manning’s doctor said the quarterback’s spinal fusion has healed firmly, and he’s ready to increase his workout load. The doctor was careful to emphasize that despite Manning’s progress, he’s still not ready to receive good-natured noogies from Eli.
  • Chris Paul’s agent has sought a trade to the New York Knicks. When they heard the news, Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni was all, “why would we want Chris Paul’s agent?” And the media was all, “haha, that’s a good one, coach, but seriously, what’s up?” And he was all, “whatever, I’m going back to sleep.” And they were all, “yeah, right coach,” but then he actually just fell asleep on the podium and it was f—ing crazy.
  • NBA players and owners will sit down today to hash out the last remaining details of the new collective bargaining agreement. And although it hasn’t worked yet, the players will probably act all innocent and propose a game of horse to decide the most important points.
  • Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer, Joe Amendola, told a reporter that his client might consider pleading guilty. No word yet on whether Amendola will plead guilty on charges of being the worst lawyer in history.

Filed Under: About Last Night, Chris Paul, Indianapolis Colts, Minnesota Vikings, NBA Lockout, New Orleans Hornets, New York Knicks, Peyton Manning, Philadelphia Eagles, Seattle Seahawks, Syracuse, Texas A&M, West Virginia

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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere