About Last Night: The Cup Tied Up

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In case you were busy redecorating your second solarium, here’s what you missed in sports on Wednesday:

  • Behind an overtime goal from Brent Seabrook, the Chicago Blackhawks escaped Boston with a riveting 6-5 overtime victory over the Bruins, evening the Stanley Cup Final at 2-2. Wait, 6-5? What kind of hockey score is that? That’s more like a baseball score if say the home team scored five runs and the visitors scored six, or the score of a really annoying football game involving John Skelton at quarterback, or the score of an NBA game before the first official timeout, or the score of a WNBA game at the half, or the score of a soccer game that is relatively high scoring, but the score of a hockey game? 6-5? Come on.
  • In the Los Angeles Dodgers’ first-ever regular-season appearance at Yankee Stadium, rookie sensation Yasiel Puig hit his fifth home run as the Dodgers beat the Yankees, 6-0,to salvage a split of their doubleheader. “New York City, city of dreams,” Puig said after the game, as he had his taxi driver just take him around for a while so he could clear his head. “Sometimes I dream I’m still me, still back in Cuba; I wake up and I’m a boy again. And I have to live my life right to get back here. How do you know if you’re living right?,” Puig asked his driver as they hurtled over the Manhattan Bridge, but the driver didn’t say anything. Puig took in the enormousness of the city in silence. Then he asked, “Do you know who I am?,” but his driver shook his head and apologized. “That’s OK. Don’t say you’re sorry. I’m just a kid. Scared. Scared this isn’t even real. What if all of these buildings are just hollow? Architectural artifice? No one lives here. It’s just a movie set. Or, what if we’re collectively imagining them? What if you wake up and I die? You don’t know me, but you made me. If that’s true then what good is a 1.289 OPS?” A flash of recognition, a glint in the driver’s eye. “Wait, are you Yasiel Puig?” Puig sighed. “Is anyone?”
  • Jay Bruce’s ninth-inning home run ended Jason Grilli’s consecutive save streak at 25, and Brandon Phillips got a walk-off single as the Cincinnati Reds beat the Pittsburgh Pirates, 2-1, in 13 innings. “I knew this day would come,” Grilli said after the defeat, before announcing the opening of a chain of restaurants called Jason’s Grillis. Jason’s Grillis will attempt to carve out some space for itself in the ultra-competitive fast casual family-friendly dining sector with innovative dishes such as Jason’s Famous Grilli’d Cheese, Jason’s Famous Grilli’d Cheese Dog, and Jason’s Famous Grilli’d Salmon Caesar Salad. When asked what inspired the menu, Grilli said, “my name and eating stuff.”
  • Yadier Molina atoned for an early error with a clutch home run as the St. Louis Cardinals beat the Chicago Cubs, 4-1. “I’m not going to look at my phone, I’m not going to look at my phone,” Molina repeated to himself as he got back to his locker after the game. But he couldn’t help himself, and he saw what he feared: a half-dozen text messages from his brothers Bengie and Jose making fun of his mistake. Cruel messages like, “you want us to come up there and give you some lessons on blocking the plate?,” “clearly adopted,” and “baby always drops the ball.” Yadier’s face grew red, and he shouted, “I’m not the baby anymore!,” but that only served to draw bemused looks from his Cardinals teammates.
  • Brazil, again powered by burgeoning superstar Neymar, dispatched a slumping Mexican side, 2-0, eliminating El Tri from the Confederations Cup. The win served as a modicum of revenge for a Brazilian side that was defeated by Mexico in the Olympic gold-medal game in London, though Brazilian forward Hulk remained unsatisfied, demanding, “Hulk smash Chicharito knee! Hulk need Harding-esque Olympic vengeance! Hulk still need gold medal for smashing!”
  • A move down to seventh in the lineup did not break Josh Hamilton out of his slump, but the Angels, behind a masterful start from C.J. Wilson and the typical heroics of Mike Trout, beat the Seattle Mariners, 1-0. “I can’t believe that didn’t work,” said Angels manager Mike Scioscia. “I mean, he was hitting not seventh before, and now he’s hitting seventh. That should change everything for the guy! The time he’s hitting, the runners who may or may not be on base, the fact that the announcer says, ‘batting seventh, Josh Hamilton.’ If that doesn’t work, it’s almost like I as the manager have no power to break my players out of slumps.” Scioscia paused, looked to the sky, then laughed and added, “And we know that’s not possible.”
  • Matt Boyd fired a four-hit shutout and the Oregon State Beavers survived to play another game as they eliminated Indiana from the College World Series with a nail-biting 1-0 win. Of course, beavers’ teeth grow like fingernails throughout their life so one could say it was a tooth-biting win, or perhaps a tooth-scratching win if one wanted to wholly invert the metaphor. But that would be silly as beavers don’t actually scratch their teeth the way humans bite their nails, instead filing down their teeth by gnawing on wood. So one would perhaps be most accurate if they called the Beavers’ win a branch-gnawing affair, although that turn of phrase ignores the fact that the team is composed of humans, all of whom are known to be nail-biters.
  • Chris Bosh has a message for Heat fans who left the team’s Game 6 comeback win before the final buzzer: “Watch the game at home.” After an extended negotiation between Bosh and representatives of the Heat’s least committed fans, the two parties agreed the fans would not have to watch the game at home, but instead could go to a club or ultra lounge where the game will be on a muted flat-screen TV above the bar.

Filed Under: About Last Night, Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks, Chicago Cubs, Chris Bosh, Cincinnati Reds, Los Angeles Angels, Los Angeles Dodgers, Miami Heat, Pittsburgh Pirates, Seattle Mariners, St. Louis Cardinals

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Spike Friedman is a contributing writer for Grantland and makes theater with the Satori Group in Seattle, Washington.

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