About Last Night: Punishment Abounds
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
- NASCAR driver Kyle Busch was fined $1,000 and had his license suspended for 45 days after driving 128 mph in a 45 mph zone in North Carolina last May. The road he was traveling had a day car center close by, but a spokesman for Busch said he would have been driving under a caution if he’d gotten that far.
- A-Rod will meet with MLB officials on Friday to discuss his involvement in an underground poker game. According to a source, he lost “a few thousand dollars” and shied away from a fight that broke out among two other players. But the MLB officials are mostly concerned with reports that he kept angrily referring to the queens in the deck as “Jeters.”
- Ian Kennedy ended Arizona’s 6-game losing streak with seven scoreless innings in a 2-0 win over the Nationals. Senate Republicans were furious at the news, and wondered how many times America would let a Kennedy screw Washington before it learned its lesson.
- Former Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl will be hit with a “show-cause penalty” by the NCAA, meaning that any team hoping to hire Pearl will have to appear before an NCAA committee and explain their reasons. Seedy used car dealerships, on the other hand, are welcome to hire Pearl without advance warning.
- According to agent Drew Rosenhaus, quarterback Terrelle Pryor won’t appeal the 5-game suspension levied by the NFL prior to his selection by the Oakland Raiders in the supplemental draft. “It might have been different if Terrelle had been selected by a better team,” said Rosenhaus, “but…well, at this point we’re both wondering if the NFL was too lenient.”
- A furious Yankee rally fell short in the ninth inning when Nick Swisher’s 2-out bomb died on the warning track. Oakland won 6-5, which makes this the second biggest win in franchise history after an earthquake. And it’s not like the team is hoping for more earthquakes, or anything, because, you know, that would be…it would be a little selfish, probably. Still, though. Still.
- The Red Sox moved back into a tie for first in the AL East with an 11-5 win over the Rangers. Adrian Gonzalez led the way with two home runs, and John Lackey got the win. It was Boston’s first victory all season in Texas, where the team’s abundance of fat dudes doesn’t play well in the extreme heat. After the game, suspicions ran high that David Ortiz used some sort of performance-enhancing air conditioned underwear, but nobody wanted to check.
- The newest version of the “Cy-Hawk trophy,” given to the winner of the Iowa-Iowa State football game, has been scrapped. The controversial design featured a family of four gathered around a bushel of corn, and was met with wide derision when it was unveiled at the state fair. In order to more accurately reflect Iowa culture, the new trophy will feature a family of four worshiping an ethanol pump.
- The quarterback question at Ole Miss was resolved when police arrested Randall Mackey for disorderly conduct. According to reports, Mackey hit a police officer on the lip, though it may have been unintentional. Coach Houston Nutt told the media Mackey would be suspended for the opener against BYU, and that he missed practice yesterday due to a “class conflict.” Nutt then held for laughs a really, really long time.
- Casey McGehee capped a 7-run second inning with a home run as Milwaukee beat Pittsburgh 11-4. The Brewers have won 24 of their last 28, though if you adjust for inflation (Cubs, Astros, Pirates), it’s only 10 of 13. And judging by the bearish mood around baseball, those remaining wins will be virtually worthless in a playoff market. Sell.
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