About Last Night: How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?

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In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

  • The Chicago Cubs fired manager Mike Quade. It feels like we hardly knew him, doesn’t it? In fact, it feels like we hardly knew he was the Cubs manager.
  • Congressional Democrats are pushing Major League Baseball to ban tobacco products and institute HGH testing. They plan to hold firm to this option until Republicans raise an objection, at which point they’re willing to settle for legalizing HGH and making tobacco use mandatory.
  • On a conference call with the National Basketball Player’s Association executive committee, union president Derek Fisher denied allegations that he met in secret with David Stern to cut a side deal. In unrelated news, the NBA lockout has been resolved in favor of the owners, and play is set to resume almost immediately as the Los Angeles Derek Fishers take on the Minnesota Derek Fishers on opening night.
  • The Red Sox and Cubs have been given another week to determine how much Chicago will compensate Boston for the final year of Theo Epstein’s contract. The Cubs offered former manager Mike Quade, and the Red Sox expressed interest, asking what position he played.
  • Tim Tebow said he had no problem with Detroit linebacker Stephen Tulloch assuming the prayerful “Tebowing” pose after sacking him last weekend. He was just glad Tulloch didn’t strike the other Tebow pose, which involves flapping your hands in shock and excitement because you’ve just thrown a spiral.
  • Ohio State running back Jaamal Berry has been suspended from the team after allegedly assaulting a 21-year-old man in Columbus on October 21. According to witnesses, Berry punched the man in the face and then bragged about what he’d done. When reached for comment, former OSU quarterback Terrelle Pryor said, “That’s weird, I have a tattoo depicting a scene just like that.”
  • The Phillies have given the Cardinals permission to speak with Ryne Sandberg concerning their vacant manager position. Oddly enough, though, they’ve stipulated that the entire conversation must be in French.

Filed Under: About Last Night, Chicago Cubs, NBA Lockout, NFL, Ohio State, Philadelphia Phillies, Tim Tebow

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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere