About Last Night: Bobby Says Sorry (Again)

YoukilisIn case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Monday.

  • Bobby Valentine apologized to Kevin Youkilis a day after questioning his physical and emotional commitment to the team. Youkilis sat out with a groin injury as the Sox fell to James Shields (8 1/3 innings, 4 hits, 0 runs) and the Rays 1-0. Despite the apology, Valentine’s original point about physical commitment seemed to hold true after the game, when Youkilis was spotted doing his famous “groin dance” for a group of female fans.
  • Roy Halladay outdueled Tim Lincecum, lasting eight innings and giving up just two runs, as the Phillies beat the Giants 5-2. The game’s critical moment came in the fifth inning, when a grizzled Halladay threatened to take off his belt and beat Lincecum for being “an insolent little bastard,” and Lincecum yelled, “You don’t understand me!” as he raced to the clubhouse to listen to Death Cab for Cutie and be alone. Later, the two ate a tense TV dinner in complete silence.
  • Henrik Lundqvist made 39 saves as the Rangers took a 2-1 series lead with a 1-0 win over the Ottawa Senators. In other NHL first-round action, Boston went up 2-1 with a win over Washington, and St. Louis did the same with a 4-3 win over San Jose. With the Senators trailing by a game and the Canucks down 3-0 to the Kings, it looks like an American team will win the Stanley Cup for the 18th straight year. Which leads to an awkward (but important) question: At what point are we compelled, as forward-thinking citizens of the world, to put Canada out of its collective misery? We have the bombs, folks. They’re just sitting there, collecting dust.
  • Justin Verlander survived a shaky ninth inning to notch a complete-game win as the Tigers beat the Royals 3-2. “We almost got ‘em there in the ninth,” Royals manager Ned Yost told his team, as he drove them all back to the team motel in the rickety team van. “We can stop at McDonald’s, but no milkshakes today, all right, guys?”
  • Drew Brees told reporters there has been no progress in the discussion between the NFL Players Association and the league on the topic of the Saints’ alleged bounties. The miscommunication seems to stem from the fact that whenever the issue is raised, Brees marches around with a finger in each ear, singing, “LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
  • Despite mid-season questions about his future with the team, Clippers head coach Vinny Del Negro said he “never missed a blink” as he molded the team into playoff shape. “Sometimes I blinked too much,” he went on. “And other times I walked around with my eyes closed, bumping into things. But miss a blink? Not on your life, pal.” He then tumbled off the podium into a row of photographers to prove his point.
  • Peyton Manning and his Bronco teammates worked out for the first time Monday as the offseason conditioning regimen began. “You dudes into extreme necksercise?” asked Manning, wearing a purple sweatsuit/headband/wristband combo.
  • A Texas district attorney wants to revoke Ryan Leaf’s probation and push for prison time for the troubled former quarterback’s four outstanding felony charges. Luckily, Texas is known as a state with an empathetic judicial system that takes pains to understand the human plight of every criminal, so I’m sure they’ll study Leaf’s case, along with his addiction, and treat him as fairly as — hey, why are those guys putting up a gallows?
  • Wesley Korir, a Kenyan native, won the men’s Boston Marathon while singing religious songs in the scorching heat, and Sharon Cherop, another Kenyan, won the women’s race. The top finisher from Boston, Michael “Southie Fitz” Fitzpatrick, quit after three miles when his gasoline buzz wore off.
  • Alabama’s $30,000 crystal BCS trophy was shattered when a player’s father got his foot caught in a rug beneath the trophy and sent it toppling to the ground. Strange — I didn’t know Gerald Ford had a kid on the Alabama football team. Am I right, old people?!?! High five! *waits five seconds* No, it’s … it’s okay, don’t get up. We’ll enjoy this one quietly.

Filed Under: About Last Night, Alabama, Boston Red Sox, Denver Broncos, Detroit Tigers, Drew Brees, Henrik Lundqvist, Justin Verlander, Kevin Youkilis, Los Angeles Clippers, New Orleans Saints, New York Rangers, NHL Playoffs, Peyton Manning, Philadelphia Phillies, Roy Halladay, San Francisco Giants, Stanley Cup

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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere