About Last Night: An Evening of Disguises

LeBron JamesIn case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Tuesday.

Unscramble the anagram to decode the WACKY HALLOWEEN COSTUME.

  • LeBron James scored 26 points and grabbed 10 boards despite missing most of the second half with cramps, and the Heat opened the NBA season with a 120-107 win over the Celtics. To spite the Celtics, James will dress up as an: CRAWLEN ‘N HEL
  • Dwight Howard’s first regular-season shot as a Laker was a missed two-handed dunk, and the Mavericks started their year with a 99-91 upset win over L.A. To the horror of Lakers fan, Howard dressed as a: LEGIT LAM CUB
  • Kyrie Irving scored 29 points and Anderson Varejao grabbed 23 boards as the Cavaliers beat the Wizards, 94-84. But without any confidence in Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, Kyrie honored another Irving by dressing how he felt, as a: LAME-ASS SHED HORNE
  • The Gold Glove awards were announced, and three Orioles — Matt Wieters, J.J. Hardy, and Adam Jones — won, while Angels center fielder Mike Trout was overlooked. To protest the golden snub, Trout dressed as: GRIMY NINJA SWILL’N BEN
  • The White Sox agreed to an extension with pitcher Jake Peavy worth $29 million over two years. To honor the contract, Peavy dressed up as another wildly overrated South Side institution: PHAZIE SIZED PD
  • The NCAA board of directors unanimously passed a package of changes that will levy harsher punishment on coaches and programs that break the rules. To commemorate the event, NCAA president Mark Emmert dressed up as the: MERRY PAGE
  • Nine youth coaches in south Florida were arrested for running a little league football gambling ring. They would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for an outstanding undercover policeman dressed as: PRAWN CORE
  • Jonathan Vilma’s latest legal brief in the Saints bounty scandal contains a whistle-blower e-mail sent in November 2011 by former Saints assistant Mike Cerullo. In order to freak out Roger Goodell even more, Vilma bought a white sheet and dressed as: ALI OOP U BAT GAL
  • Ty Lawson agreed to an extension with the Denver Nuggets, and league sources report that it’s worth $48 million over four years. Flush with money, Lawson dressed up as one of the city’s most feared serial criminals: HARBOR WEIGHT BE LIMEY
  • Answers in order: ALLEN WRENCH, MAGIC BULLET, HEADLESS HORSEMAN, WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN, DEEP DISH PIZZA, GYM REAPER, COP WARNER, PAUL TAGLIA-BOO, MILE HIGHWAY ROBBER

Filed Under: About Last Night, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Dwight Howard, LeBron James, Los Angeles Lakers, Miami Heat, NCAA, Washington Wizards

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Shane Ryan is a contributing writer for Grantland. His book about the young stars of the PGA Tour will be published by Random House in early 2015.

Archive @ ShaneRyanHere