Cody ZellerIf the First Four comebacks from Tuesday night are any kind of omen for the rest of the tournament (and I don’t think we have the science to prove that yet), we are in for an absolute humdinger. If you thought your hums were gonna go un-dinged, think again, kemosabe. This is March, and every hum in town is going to be dinging like a church bell at high noon. For the next three weeks, the hum hunchback in the hum belfry is the busiest dude on the planet. Get used to it.

If you couldn’t tell, I mean business today. I smoked my last clove, finished tithing, called my grandparents, and bought a new mop that I’m planning to use later. The time for high jinks was February, and February is straight up over, y’all. Dig it: Cast aside your petty grievances, forgive your brother his peccadilloes, and kneel at the Altar of the Most High Madness.

So today the plan is to just give you a no-nonsense tourney guide. Which teams are the best at shooting 3s? Who cleans up on the offensive glass? Which coaches are huge ham radio enthusiasts? How many players go by the nickname “Fat Stuff,” and how many are cool with it? You’re going to learn all that and more, starting now.

(Stats come mostly from kenpom.com, and I’m leaving out things like offensive and defensive efficiency, because those are basically dominated by the best teams, and I’m on the lookout for the oddballs.)

Bombers

Love me some bombers. These are the wacky teams that can just light it up on any given day and beat a juggernaut. Creighton over North Carolina? Why not? South Dakota State torching Baylor without getting a single rebound? I’m up for it.

Top 10 3-point-shooting teams, by percentage
1. Indiana — 43.3
2. Creighton — 42.5
3. Murray State — 40.7
4. Colorado State — 40.5
5. Temple — 40.2
6. Missouri — 39.5
7. South Dakota State — 39.3
8. Florida — 39.0
9. Vanderbilt — 38.9
10. New Mexico — 38.5

Then there are the teams that try to ruin all the fun. Interestingly, Murray State is the only team that appears on both lists.

Top 10 3-point-shooting defenses, by opponent’s percentage
1. Georgetown — 26.6
2. Alabama — 28.3
3. Wisconsin — 28.9
4. Michigan State — 29.2
5. Virginia — 29.5
6. Murray State — 29.5
7. Iowa State — 29.8
8. Ohio — 30.3
9. Norfolk State — 30.5
10. Florida State — 30.5

Boarders

They didn’t make offensive rebounding one of the “four factors” for nothing. Here are the teams that give themselves the most second chances, by offensive rebounding percentage (the percentage of their own missed shots that they rebound).

Top 10 offensive rebounding teams, by OR percentage
1. New Mexico State — 40.8
2. West Virginia — 40.6
3. Kansas State — 40.6
4. North Carolina — 40.2
5. Loyola (Md.) — 38.8
6. Texas — 38.4
7. Kentucky — 38.1
8. Baylor — 37.7
9. UConn — 37.5
10. Lamar — 37.3

And what about the stingy teams, who allow one shot at most because their boxing-out skills were honed in an actual boxing ring? Weirdly enough, since you’d think they’d be correlated, there are no common teams on the two rebounding lists.

Top 10 defensive rebounding teams, by opponent’s OR percentage
1. Ohio State — 24.8
2. Virginia — 25.6
3. Wichita State — 25.9
4. Creighton — 26.1
5. BYU — 26.2
6. Saint Mary’s — 26.4
7. Iowa State — 26.5
8. Harvard — 26.5
9. Davidson — 26.7
10. San Diego State — 27.1

Hounds

You gotta love the Pitino-style teams that treat basketball like a pack of hungry dogs treats a raw steak tied to the leg of a terrified Rosie O’Donnell. Which teams wreak havoc with their pressure defense? (Turnover percentage = turnovers divided by possessions.)

Top 10 pressure defenses, by opponent’s turnover percentage
1. VCU — 27.4
2. Ohio — 26.7
3. Syracuse — 25.2
4. Murray State — 24.1
5. Kansas State — 23.8
6. Marquette — 23.8
7. Louisville — 23.4
8. St. Louis — 23.3
9. Ohio State — 22.8
10. Detroit — 22.4

And what about ball control? Nice job by Syracuse being the only team on both lists. Of course, that was pre-Melo Disaster, a more innocent time.

Top 10 ball-control offenses, by turnover percentage
1. Purdue — 13.5
2. Wisconsin — 15.1
3. Missouri — 15.5
4. South Dakota State — 15.7
5. Syracuse — 15.9
6. Notre Dame — 16.1
7. North Carolina — 16.2
8. Cincinnati — 16.3
9. Southern Mississippi — 16.3
10. Florida — 16.6

Ham Radio

You thought I was kidding? I thought I made my seriousness clear. The cloves are smoked, dudes.

Top 10 ham radio enthusiast coaches, by ham radio name
1. Tom Izzo — morsecIZZOde
2. Thad Matta — MindOverMatta
3. Rick Pitino — DirtyChat69
4. Shaka Smart — SmarterChild
5. Leonard Hamilton — HAM(radio)ILTON
6. Roy Williams — BiscuitBoy
7. Jim Calhoun — HOUNdog
8. Mike Krzyzewski — GalacticaFan26
9. Bill Self — SelfLove
10. John Calipari — IntoFreshmen

Napoleons

Ten shortest teams, by KenPom’s “effective height” measure
1. UNC-Asheville — -5.1
2. Colorado State — -4.0
3. Murray State — -3.4
4. Western Kentucky — -2.2
5. Lamar — -1.9
6. Missouri — -1.7
7. Temple — -1.7
8. Cincinnati — -1.6
9. Long Island — -1.4
10. Harvard — -1.3

Blockers

These dudes will send you packing your bags like a frantic salesman.

Top 10 blocking teams, by block percentage
1. Kentucky — 21.3
2. Syracuse — 19.8
3. UConn — 17.8
4. Florida State — 16.7
5. Kansas — 15.1
6. Memphis — 14.7
7. North Carolina — 13.7
8. Georgetown — 13.5
9. Detroit — 13.0
10. Kansas State — 13.0

We are now less than 24 hours away until this thing begins for real. Thank goodness. And I know I promised a top 10 list of players nicknamed “Fat Stuff,” but it turns out the only players to go by that name in Division I are all three Plumlees. Sorry, and stay tuned tomorrow for more Madness coverage here on Grantland.

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A Statistical March Madness Extravaganza

Cody ZellerIf the First Four comebacks from Tuesday night are any kind of omen for the rest of the tournament (and I don’t think we have the science to prove that yet), we are in for an absolute humdinger. If you thought your hums were gonna go un-dinged, think again, kemosabe. This is March, and every hum in town is going to be dinging like a church bell at high noon. For the next three weeks, the hum hunchback in the hum belfry is the busiest dude on the planet. Get used to it.

If you couldn’t tell, I mean business today. I smoked my last clove, finished tithing, called my grandparents, and bought a new mop that I’m planning to use later. The time for high jinks was February, and February is straight up over, y’all. Dig it: Cast aside your petty grievances, forgive your brother his peccadilloes, and kneel at the Altar of the Most High Madness.

So today the plan is to just give you a no-nonsense tourney guide. Which teams are the best at shooting 3s? Who cleans up on the offensive glass? Which coaches are huge ham radio enthusiasts? How many players go by the nickname “Fat Stuff,” and how many are cool with it? You’re going to learn all that and more, starting now.

(Stats come mostly from kenpom.com, and I’m leaving out things like offensive and defensive efficiency, because those are basically dominated by the best teams, and I’m on the lookout for the oddballs.)

Bombers

Love me some bombers. These are the wacky teams that can just light it up on any given day and beat a juggernaut. Creighton over North Carolina? Why not? South Dakota State torching Baylor without getting a single rebound? I’m up for it.

Top 10 3-point-shooting teams, by percentage
1. Indiana — 43.3
2. Creighton — 42.5
3. Murray State — 40.7
4. Colorado State — 40.5
5. Temple — 40.2
6. Missouri — 39.5
7. South Dakota State — 39.3
8. Florida — 39.0
9. Vanderbilt — 38.9
10. New Mexico — 38.5

Then there are the teams that try to ruin all the fun. Interestingly, Murray State is the only team that appears on both lists.

Top 10 3-point-shooting defenses, by opponent’s percentage
1. Georgetown — 26.6
2. Alabama — 28.3
3. Wisconsin — 28.9
4. Michigan State — 29.2
5. Virginia — 29.5
6. Murray State — 29.5
7. Iowa State — 29.8
8. Ohio — 30.3
9. Norfolk State — 30.5
10. Florida State — 30.5

Boarders

They didn’t make offensive rebounding one of the “four factors” for nothing. Here are the teams that give themselves the most second chances, by offensive rebounding percentage (the percentage of their own missed shots that they rebound).

Top 10 offensive rebounding teams, by OR percentage
1. New Mexico State — 40.8
2. West Virginia — 40.6
3. Kansas State — 40.6
4. North Carolina — 40.2
5. Loyola (Md.) — 38.8
6. Texas — 38.4
7. Kentucky — 38.1
8. Baylor — 37.7
9. UConn — 37.5
10. Lamar — 37.3

And what about the stingy teams, who allow one shot at most because their boxing-out skills were honed in an actual boxing ring? Weirdly enough, since you’d think they’d be correlated, there are no common teams on the two rebounding lists.

Top 10 defensive rebounding teams, by opponent’s OR percentage
1. Ohio State — 24.8
2. Virginia — 25.6
3. Wichita State — 25.9
4. Creighton — 26.1
5. BYU — 26.2
6. Saint Mary’s — 26.4
7. Iowa State — 26.5
8. Harvard — 26.5
9. Davidson — 26.7
10. San Diego State — 27.1

Hounds

You gotta love the Pitino-style teams that treat basketball like a pack of hungry dogs treats a raw steak tied to the leg of a terrified Rosie O’Donnell. Which teams wreak havoc with their pressure defense? (Turnover percentage = turnovers divided by possessions.)

Top 10 pressure defenses, by opponent’s turnover percentage
1. VCU — 27.4
2. Ohio — 26.7
3. Syracuse — 25.2
4. Murray State — 24.1
5. Kansas State — 23.8
6. Marquette — 23.8
7. Louisville — 23.4
8. St. Louis — 23.3
9. Ohio State — 22.8
10. Detroit — 22.4

And what about ball control? Nice job by Syracuse being the only team on both lists. Of course, that was pre-Melo Disaster, a more innocent time.

Top 10 ball-control offenses, by turnover percentage
1. Purdue — 13.5
2. Wisconsin — 15.1
3. Missouri — 15.5
4. South Dakota State — 15.7
5. Syracuse — 15.9
6. Notre Dame — 16.1
7. North Carolina — 16.2
8. Cincinnati — 16.3
9. Southern Mississippi — 16.3
10. Florida — 16.6

Ham Radio

You thought I was kidding? I thought I made my seriousness clear. The cloves are smoked, dudes.

Top 10 ham radio enthusiast coaches, by ham radio name
1. Tom Izzo — morsecIZZOde
2. Thad Matta — MindOverMatta
3. Rick Pitino — DirtyChat69
4. Shaka Smart — SmarterChild
5. Leonard Hamilton — HAM(radio)ILTON
6. Roy Williams — BiscuitBoy
7. Jim Calhoun — HOUNdog
8. Mike Krzyzewski — GalacticaFan26
9. Bill Self — SelfLove
10. John Calipari — IntoFreshmen

Napoleons

Ten shortest teams, by KenPom’s “effective height” measure
1. UNC-Asheville — -5.1
2. Colorado State — -4.0
3. Murray State — -3.4
4. Western Kentucky — -2.2
5. Lamar — -1.9
6. Missouri — -1.7
7. Temple — -1.7
8. Cincinnati — -1.6
9. Long Island — -1.4
10. Harvard — -1.3

Blockers

These dudes will send you packing your bags like a frantic salesman.

Top 10 blocking teams, by block percentage
1. Kentucky — 21.3
2. Syracuse — 19.8
3. UConn — 17.8
4. Florida State — 16.7
5. Kansas — 15.1
6. Memphis — 14.7
7. North Carolina — 13.7
8. Georgetown — 13.5
9. Detroit — 13.0
10. Kansas State — 13.0

We are now less than 24 hours away until this thing begins for real. Thank goodness. And I know I promised a top 10 list of players nicknamed “Fat Stuff,” but it turns out the only players to go by that name in Division I are all three Plumlees. Sorry, and stay tuned tomorrow for more Madness coverage here on Grantland.