Video on Demand Report: Hockey, Hormones, and Musical Terrorists

The Headliner

The Artist

Hey, it’s that thing that won all the things!

New and Notable

Mirror Mirror

In the battle of the Snow White movies, the Sapphogothic forest fantasy of Snow White and the Huntsman trounced Mirror Mirror‘s broad camp and bad CGI.

Wrath of the Titans

The first comment on YouTube was “please make a movie about ULYSSES!!” and I thought they were talking about James Joyce. Happy belated Bloomsday!

Bullhead

Actual title: Rundskop. Crime drama from Belgium about a cattle farmer, mostly spoken in Limburgish. Lost the best foreign language film Oscar to A Separation.

C’mon Man

Starring Tony Rock, Chris Rock’s younger brother, as a struggling stand-up.

Inseparable

Kevin Spacey and Daniel Wu in a Chinese civilian superhero buddy comedy also starring Beibi Gong and Peter Stormare. In English and Mandarin.

Oranges and Sunshine

Would you believe this is about Margaret Humphreys (Emily Watson), the social worker who uncovered the scandal where British children under care of the state were deported to Australia and told their parents were dead?

Bikini Girls on Ice

Exactly what it sounds like. “Stranded on their way to a bikini car-wash fundraiser, a group of hot college girls find refuge in an abandoned gas station on the outskirts of town. Soon their broken-down bus is the least of their worries as a maniac axe-man mechanic starts picking them off one by one.”

“In Theaters” VOD Pick

A Burning Hot Summer

How French is this: an erotic drama about the tragic breakdown of a marriage between sensual heavy-lidded artist Louis Garrel (director Philippe Garrel’s son) and an actress played by Monica Bellucci, with a vacation wife-swapping session among friends and a soundtrack by John Cale. Loosely based on Godard’s Contempt, it’s packed with Monica Bellucci brooding naked by a window while she intones “some paintings soothe me and others upset me” and Garrel denouncing his wife’s adultery as “bourgeois.” So French.

Weird Indie of the Week

Sound of Noise

Swedish comedic caper about a group of musicians engaging in “musical terrorism” by turning environments into found instruments. The trailer features this creepy medical jam session. Looks like David Cronenberg’s Stomp.

Early VOD Premiere of the Week

Breakaway

Toronto-set Bend It Like Gretzky. With Rob Lowe as the salty pseudo-racist coach and Camilla Belle as the wooden love interest. You’ll be shocked to learn this is from the director of D3: The Mighty Ducks. Not to be confused with small-town bicycle coming-of-age classic Breaking Away. Written and starring Toronto native Vinay Virmani (he plays aspiring hockey player Raj), there is a cameo by Drake during the big party scene. They loving the crew!

Masochist’s Choice

A Thousand Words

I have to go watch Raw a million times now to forget about this.

Filed Under: The Artist, VOD OCD, Wrath of the Titans

Photo on 2014-01-10 at 12.58 #3

Molly Lambert is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ mollylambert

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