Video on Demand Report: Hedgehogs, Heists, and Talking Cats

The Headliner

Tower Heist

While I haven’t seen Bret Ratner’s movie about a group of small-time crooks and hotel employees planning a major heist (and have no particular plans to), the idiotic Tower Heist theme song gets stuck in my head a minimum of once a day. It’s a tower heist!

New and Notable

The Hedgehog

Based on Muriel Barbery’s best seller from France about a suicidal 11-year-old girl named Paloma who uses her camera to record the hypocrisy of grown-ups. (Sofia Coppola was once rumored to own the rights.) I assumed it was either about Sonic or Ron Jeremy.

Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds

I wish other directors would put their names in the title of every film.

Cook County

Drama about meth labs in East Texas. I wonder who will make the first movie about bath salts.

The Hanged Man

“Seven irrevocably damaged social misfits come together in a chat room, looking for understanding and compassion, but ultimately making a suicide pact.” xXxSOLDxXx!

Aunt Bam’s Place

A filmed version of Tyler Perry’s stage play about Aunt Bam, who moderates family conflicts over a long weekend. Something about that fake living room set that looks like it’s from an ’80s sitcom is provoking all kinds of weird feelings for me.

Demoted

It’s funny how both David Cross and Bob Odenkirk have found their second acts playing the sort of uptight squares and angry grown-ups they used to parody on Mr. Show. Anyway, this looks dumb, but not because of David Cross. The trailer features that song that’s in every trailer ever.

“In Theaters” VOD Pick

1 out of 7

Naturalistic drama about a pregnant runaway, like Shades of Freeway, Thirteen, and other classic teensploitation films. “A story of explicit drug use and overwhelming desperation.” And Vivica A. Fox! Directed by a former professional snow boarder by the name of York Shackleton.

Weird Indie of the Week

Miss Minoes

A Dutch film about “Miss Minoes, a cat who is transformed into a young woman and befriends Tibbe, a shy bumbling cub reporter for the local newspaper.” Miss Minoes can talk to cats and doesn’t even have to wear a leather bodysuit and six-inch PVC heels while she fights crime.

Early VOD Premiere of the Week

Thin Ice

A small indie blackmailer buddy comedy in the spirit of Fargo and A Simple Plan starring Greg Kinnear, Billy Crudup, and Alan Arkin, plus Marty McFly’s mom. Directed by Big Love producer/Clockwatchers helmer Jill Sprecher.

Masochist’s Choice

Around June

500 Days of Summer with an illegal immigration storyline, starring Rival for Seth Cohen’s Affection Anna from The OC (Samaire Armstrong).

Filed Under: Brett Ratner, Tower Heist, Tyler Perry, VOD OCD

Photo on 2014-01-10 at 12.58 #3

Molly Lambert is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ mollylambert