Trailers of the Week: MiB III, Bernie, That’s My Boy, and More

A Note From Dan: There was such an overabundance of trailers this week, and we had such a good time last week crafting (used loosely) a single phrase for the latest Avengers trailer, that instead of skipping a few of these we thought it would be fun to go with a single-sentence review (also used loosely) of each one.

A Note From Rembert: We also thought it would be a fun social experiment to see Dan squirm as he attempted to condense his thoughts to a simple sentence. As for myself, I’ve never really written anything over 140 characters, so this is perfect.

Next week, the Trailers of the Week will return (with a vengeance). Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel.

Men in Black III (May 25)

Silver: I don’t think Josh Brolin’s spot-on impression of Tommy Lee Jones is going to distract me enough from how old Will Smith looks.

Browne: Will Smith saying, “I’m getting too old for this” pretty much sums up everyone’s feelings about Men in Black III.

Bernie (April 27)

Silver: After a slew of dreadful outings (The Muppets doesn’t count), it’s good to see Jack Black go back and explore his darker Tropic Thunder side; it seems to fit him quite well. #homicidalharoldandmaude

Browne: Hey, Ashton, real actors like Shirley MacLaine bounce back from atrocities like Valentine’s Day with films like Bernie, not with New Year’s Eve.

Frankenweenie (October 5)

Silver: Tim Burton and stop-motion animation: Why wouldn’t I want to see this? (I’m assuming Tim Burton’s sellout-box office bonus for Alice in Wonderland was the opportunity to feature-ize his own short film.)

(Rembert, since I put that last part in parentheses, does it technically count as two sentences?)

Browne: Tim Burton is so peerless, he’s started remaking his own movies.

(Yes and no, Dan. Yes and no.)

That’s My Boy (June 15)

Silver: I kind of hate myself for letting a foul-mouthed Adam Sandler, James Caan punching Andy Samberg, and a bong-wielding Vanilla Ice actually pique my interest in this film (ashamed).

Browne: I always knew Adam Sandler’s comeback film would include Ciara in a supporting role and a cameo by Rex Ryan.

Brave – Japanese Trailer (June 22)

Silver: Mark my words: Brave is the return to greatness for Pixar, and will allow us all to forget about Cars 2.

Browne: This looks unreal; I can’t wait until this dominates and they decide to turn it into a live-action film starring Emma Stone as “Redhead.”

Despicable Me 2 – Teaser (July 3, 2013)

Silver: Having zero to do with the actual movie, this irritating Beach Boys 3-D gag actually, and surprisingly, pays off: I love watching that little yellow Tic Tac get housed.

Browne: I don’t want to like the Despicable Me franchise, so I will continue not liking the Despicable Me franchise.

ParaNorman – Trailer #2 (August 17)

Silver: I hope this trailer didn’t reveal too many of the film’s best moments, because I am now legitimately in love with this movie and would hate to be disappointed.

Browne: The last 15 seconds of this trailer further sold me on a film that I was already completely sold on.

Cabin in the Woods – Trailer #2 (April 13)

Silver: Cabin in the Woods = a geek boner in the shape of the creature from Cloverfield wearing a Firefly T-shirt (yeah, I just said my junk looks like the creature from Cloverfield … SO!).

Browne: Worst Groupon ever.

Snow White and the Huntsman – Japanese Teaser (June 1)

Silver: If I absolutely HAD to see a Snow White film this year, of the two this is the one I’d choose — if only to possibly see Nick Frost play a dwarf and wield two swords whilst jumping through the air.

Browne: Snow White and the Huntsman seems like an incredible third Chris Hemsworth movie to see this year (obviously The Avengers, and will probably lose a bet and have to see Cabin in the Woods).

Now Is Good (May 25)

Silver: What do a terminal cancer bucket list, Dakota Fanning speaking with a British accent, and the kid from War Horse have in common? They’re all elements to a movie I’ll place on my Netflix queue then drop to the bottom because I’d rather get the DVD to Salmon Fishing in Yemen first.

(Rembert, we’re going to need another ruling. A two sentence setup and payoff is kosher, right?)

Browne: Why would I see this film about love and living life to the fullest when it comes out the same day as Moonrise Kingdom, a much less depressing movie about love and living life to the fullest?

(Silver, you’ve employed every tactic possible to avoid using two periods. Just do whatever you want. I won’t tell.)

What to Expect When You’re Expecting (May 18)

Silver: “Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

I know, I know, that’s more than two sentences. But this timeless scene from Billy Madison was the first and only thing that ran through my head as I watched this embarrassing trailer.

Browne: I don’t care who you are, where you come from, or what you believe in, Rob Huebel giving the shoulder shrug to “last week, my kid ate a cigarette” has to make you happy.

The Road We’ve Traveled (Online: March 15)

Silver: Say what you will about political “strategery” and timing, this immediately compelling doc appears to get all the right people “who were in the room” to sit down and discuss in detail some of our country’s most important moments from the last four years.

Browne: This is Washington D.C.’s New Year’s Eve. This is #ChangePorn. I can’t wait.

Filed Under: Trailers of the Week

Rembert Browne is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ rembert