Too $hort Attempts to Make Microsoft Cool for First Time Ever

Sure, yeah, Microsoft is a titan of industry and everything, but it’s Apple that has the “hip tech” game in a stranglehold, now and forever more. Right? Wrong! As of immediately, Microsoft is officially “cool.”

Above, Exhibit A: Michael Angiulo, mild-mannered Microsoft exec … and Too $hort super fan. According to TMZ, Angiulo — who is “responsible for the product planning input that drives the vision process for Windows Live and Windows Internet Explorer” — had the Bay Area sex-rap legend play his 40th birthday party, for a cool 25 grand. And, together, they totally ripped through “2 Bitches.”

Usually we’re not ones to crow about the spirited rap attempts of well-intentioned but gawky amateurs. This one, though, is a marvel: Michael Angiulo — who, again, is “responsible for the product planning input that drives the vision process for Windows Live and Windows Internet Explorer” — knows every word, and delivers the lyrics as if he’s been waiting his whole life to share the stage with his hero. Am I crazy, or does Too $hort look legit impressed? Also: Apparently it was Angiulo’s wife who made the booking, meaning she’s at least implicitly cool with her husband publicly demanding from a lady, “don’t be stingy” and “lick my balls too.” That’s real love, folks.

OK, so, we reserve the right to retract our statement if there’s a screen secreted away splashing the lyrics. For now, though, that’s it: Microsoft is cool. Go ahead, throw out your iPhone and get a Windows phone.

Bonus! Here’s Michael Cera and Clark Duke doing “2 Bitches” with Too $hort a couple of years back. Who knew “2 Bitches” had such a celebrated cameo history?

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Amos Barshad has written for New York magazine, Spin, GQ, XXL, and the Arkansas Times. He is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ AmosBarshad

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