This Election Reporter Thinks Wyclef Jean, Wale, and Will.I.Am Are All the Same Person

Last night’s election coverage, from reporter Blake Berman, WSVN 7 News:

“That’s Wyclef Jean.” No, Blake. No it’s not.

Do correct yourself in a timely fashion, hopefully without him hearing you:

“Wait, who?”

“Wale. Excuse me, Wale. I’ve gotten my artists mixed up.”

Good lord, Blake. How do you not recognize who this is? He was a hologram, exactly four years ago. Just look at him. Or do you only recognize him in holographic form? Is that what it is? Whatever it may be, please get it right. Now.

[Slight pause.]

“Will.I.Am, good grief. Man, all these rap guys look alike I am tired.”

Even though it looked as if someone had to hold up a sign for you, thank you for finally correcting yourself. Now, whatever you do, do not engage him in any way, shape, or form. He definitely heard you. He’s right there. Please don’t look at him. For his sake, and for

NOOOOOOOOOOO.

Well, now that you screwed that up, seeing as that you’re five feet away from him, just wrap this up and, whatever you do, don’t say anything that completely belittles his exist—

“I’m sorry, I’m mixing up my artists here. But either way, you kind of get the idea.”

I hope you roll deep, Blake Berman, because I foresee a schoolyard beatdown in your future from a certain William James Adams.

So that’s what happened. But here’s the real question. Of the three artists involved, who should be the most insulted and who should take it as a compliment?

Wale: This is a big moment for Wale. His name was actually mentioned on a news station, something I can’t imagine has ever happened. And to make it better for him, it was unscripted, meaning the newscaster had actually heard of him before. Sure, the guy had no idea what he looks like, but who does? Congrats, Wale. It’s truly an Election Day he won’t soon forget.

Wyclef: This isn’t good. People should know what he looks like. In 2012, someone should be able to look at a man and identify him as “Wyclef” or “Not Wyclef.” I mean, even if you’re not a music fan, it’s inexcusable. The guy ran for president of Haiti. You’ve got to know what he looks like. So yeah, not great. Will.I.Am kind of looks like Pras, though, so maybe that’s where the confusion came from. Does that make it any better for Wyclef? Not at all; I just wanted to throw out some of my look-alike prejudices before I got to talking about how this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to Will.I.Am.

Will.I.Am: So a young guy looked at him and then called him two less famous people. And, lest we forget, had someone not seemingly spelled out the fact that he weren’t Wale, Blake might still think he’s Wale. That’s what just happened, which means one thing: He needs a hit. Real soon. Like, today. Put out an Obama reelection song, round up the We Are the World 25 crew, and leak that track by dinnertime. I’m completely serious. With every passing minute, someone else is out there referring to him as Tyga.

Filed Under: Wale, Will.I.Am

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Rembert Browne is a staff writer for Grantland.

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