1. Loreen, “Euphoria”

Swedish singer Loreen is the Eurovision champ forever until the end of time (or at least until next year’s competition).
Grade: A
Best YouTube Comment: “Brilliant, brilliant song. The best in years! Single handedly drags Eurovision into the 21st century.” — enfermera1971

2. JVG ft. Raappana, “Kran Tursimo”

Ever wonder what Finnish rap-reggae sounds like? Meeeeeee neither, but I guess now I know: like the soundtrack for cruise ship shuffleboard.
Grade: C
Best YouTube Comment: “B R O” — roopetuto13

3. Jesse Kaikuranta, “Vie Mut Kotiin”

Jesse Kaikuranta is a finalist from the Finnish edition of The Voice. This melodramatic piano ballad with unexpected trip-hop flourishes keeps the focus on Kaikuranta’s beautiful and emotive voice.
Grade: B
Best YouTube Comment: “Kaunista!” — 0onah

4. Carly Rae Jepsen, “Call Me Maybe”

WRITE ME BACK, FUCKER!
Grade: A
Best YouTube Comment: “it all sucks no rhythm no music NOT EVEN FOR CLUBS OR SOMETHING” — marilenefrancois

5. Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull, “Dance Again”

This is the video that she infamously let her new boyfriend Casper Smart choreograph (he’s the silver guy). The reminds me of Kylie Minogue’s similarly wriggly video for “Slow.” Kim Kardashian’s ass has been famous for so long now I almost forgot J.Lo’s ass was still famous. She remains hot and the slimy mosh pit is a nice touch, but this RedOne-produced headache sucks. She should make a Latin freestyle album!
Grade: D
Best YouTube Comment: “nice bitch the jennifer” — djalirruges

6. Tacabro a.k.a. Romano & Sapienza ft. Rodriguez, “Tacata”

Another lil’ saxobeat to twerk to at the beach. Cuban vocalist Martinez Rodriguez is by far the best part of this Italian job.
Grade: B-
Best YouTube Comment: “that tacata girl can really tataca shake her tataca if you know what tataca I tataca mean” — 96bawan96

7. Pariisin Kevat, “Kesayo”

Featherlight indie pop for fans of Death Cab for Cutie and anyone who likes that Fun song but will murder everybody if they hear it even one more time.
Grade: B+
Best YouTube Comment: “Aivan upea biisi!!!” — Torsti9

8. Flo Rida, “Whistle”

I feel like Flo Rida and Pitbull are locked in a competition for Most Mediocre Rapper Hitching Himself to Whatever Pop Trend Washes Ashore on a Given Month. Ugh.
Grade: F
Best YouTube Comment: “I came here after seeing my war hero grandfather’s flabbergasted face when this came on accidentally on TV. He didn’t say a word, but I could read him like a book. He wasn’t impressed, and rightly so. The youth of today are doomed if this is what they admire.” — MeltingBloke

9. Chisu, “Kolmas Pyora”

Lana Del Rey is just the beginning of the forthcoming spaghetti western noir-pop avalanche. Finnish pop star Chisu is just as baby-voiced as Lana, if a touch less sinister, and looks like the love child of Britney Spears and Nico.
Grade: B+
Best YouTube Comment: “Oh girl, I love your music! Finnish language sounds so beautiful! Greetings from Spain!” — MIndependencePhoto

10. Elokuu, “Saatilla”

“Elokuu (August in Finnish) is a Finnish hip-hop band founded by reggae artist Nopsjalka, rapper Juno and producer Jonas W. Karlsson as a mix of Finnish swing and jazz.” Despite that description (and Juno’s dreads), this is actually pretty nice. Plus, it features Juno doing a cupcakeless male variation on the sitting-down-in-the-shower mope sesh now famous from Girls!
Grade: B
Best YouTube Comment: “6/5” — lureboys12