The Only Worthwhile 57 Seconds From the VMAs
There’s no point in discussing the VMAs: Taylor Swift half-sang about the guy she’s never ever getting back together with, One Direction pranced about like enchanted boy-band hobbits turned loose on the Shire’s karaoke night, and Chris Brown and Drake both won something without a violent exchange of bottle-fire, while Rihanna, looking amazing, sat nearby chatting with Katy Perry. It’s outrageous and weird that MTV even bothers with handing out awards for videos, having abandoned that part of their programming strategy virtually the moment they first touched their lips to the reality-TV crack pipe, but, as the kids say, it is what it is. (Also: Don’t listen to the kids! They made One Direction a thing!) Moonmen for everybody!
What the VMAs did give us was this promo for the recently announced FINAL SEASON of Jersey Shore. After six decreasingly entertaining trips to the pier, not even the hardest-core Situationalist or T-shirt Timer should be upset to see MTV finally put the gang out to pasture — there’s nothing sadder than watching two sickly gorilla juiceheads groom each other’s mange-dulled Ed Hardy coats; giving them the peace of oblivion is the humane thing to do — but this clip does poignantly capture the complicated melancholy of the imminent end of the Shore era. We are all overtanned, smoosh-crazed, Sunday-dinner-sharing meatballs today.