The Les Misérables Teaser: A Million Theater Geeks Just Fainted

I can’t say too much, because that would cut into my precious time dedicated to watching this trailer while singing along and waltzing with my partner, known as “Lady MacBook.”

What I will say:

  • This is the first trailer for Les Misérables.
  • Valjean, Javert, Fantine, and Cosette = Jackman, Crowe, Hathaway, and Seyfried.
  • Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen play the Thénardiers.
  • The producer is Sir Cameron Mackintosh (Broadway’s Les Mis, Phantom of the Opera)
  • The director is Tom Hooper (Hollywood’s The King’s Speech)
  • It comes out Christmas 2012.

What I want to go into at length, but can’t because I’m currently an emotional mess:

  • I was in Les Misérables in 10th grade.
  • I love musicals, but in my heart nothing remotely compares to Les Misérables.
  • I will always know every word to this musical.
  • The Original London Cast recording of Les Mis has been in my car for the past nine years.

This film is my Harry Potter. It’s my Star Wars. I mean that in the sense that I’ve never been a midnight-showing, dress-up-for-the-theater, camp-out type of guy. To be quite honest, I’ve made fun of that activity for years, but those teases have come from a place that screams “I’ve never loved before.” With this trailer, it’s clear that I’ll finally be able to love.

On Christmas Eve, around 10 p.m. I will tell my mom that I’m headed out to buy some batteries for my little cousin’s train set, hop in the car, put on the French inspector uniform that I’ve spent four months creating, and go to the nearest theater for the midnight showing. I will place myself in the back row so my frequent fits of passion don’t distract anyone else. Sometimes I will shout. Other times I will cry. At the end, I will shout-cry. And then around 2:30 a.m. I will hop into my car, stop at Walgreens, pick up some batteries, and upon my return home (still dressed like Javert), I’ll challenge my mother to a duel, with the winner getting the batteries for the train set. This Christmas is going to be weird.

All of this will happen if I don’t first die from the joy of watching this trailer so many times.

I want to talk about Anne Hathaway finally finding the role that allows her theater-geek side to flourish, but I can’t. I want to talk about how the film seems to have struck the balance of stars and non-stars, but I can’t. I want to talk about the potential epic on-screen battle between Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe, but I can’t.

I can’t, because I can’t stop thinking about the barricade:

And that face:

And these words:

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving …

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder …

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

I have to go. I have to go right now. Sorry.

Filed Under: Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables, Russell Crowe

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Rembert Browne is a staff writer for Grantland.

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