On the Plus Side for New England: No Rapping Patriots Fans Have Released Victory Songs This Week

So you’re a famous rapper, and your team just won the Super Bowl – what do you do? Record an ill-advised tribute track, of course! New songs have popped up from both the Bronx’s French Montana and Queens’ LL Cool J (studio in the NCIS: Los Angeles trailer?) paying homage to the New York Giants in awkward, rushed fashion. Look: I, in no way, believe it to be necessary to disparage or nullify the warm glow that blooms deep within the heart of a diehard, and then sticks around in there for weeks while they weepily watch YouTube highlights every 15 minutes after their team wins a title. I just think it’s something best kept to oneself.

Let’s analyze the evidence for proof.

French takes his street hit “Shot Caller” and has his pal Charlie Rock tack on some topical lines: “Heard you had potential / knew we had to squash ‘em / Manningham catching / Eli tossing / offense great / defense awesome.” I hear that, and I immediately imagine an anthropomorphized version of the excellent “Shot Caller” beat (maybe, like, a puppy wearing a backward baseball cap and sunglasses?) shaking its head in sadness.

And here’s LL Cool J’s, uh, “Super Baller”:

OK, LL gets points for trying to rap over the “NFL on Fox” music. But then it immediately goes downhill: “Watch me pop bottles while I’m winning overtime”? “I snowboard on mountains you can’t climb”? “Hike me the ball, baby”? LL supposedly recorded this in 30 minutes. Respectfully, he should have spent more time on it.

But again, I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade. So, Giants fans, if you’re looking for an anthem for these glorious days, try 50 Cent’s “I Get Money” remix. It kicks off with a robot voice saying, “The Giants play in New York” — simple, elegant, potent. And congrats on the win.

Filed Under: French Montana, Music

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Amos Barshad has written for New York Magazine, Spin, GQ, XXL, and the Arkansas Times. He is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ AmosBarshad

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