Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones Call It Quits, and Other Bummers From This Week's Tabloids

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People

Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones Split Up: Michael Douglas and his children Dylan and Carys were spotted at the Quebec resort town Mont Temblant. “It looked like another picture-perfect vacation for the Douglas clan — except one person was missing: Michael’s wife and Dylan and Carys’s mom, actress Catherine Zeta-Jones.” CZJ was “seen grocery shopping and browsing a nearby consignment boutique with her mom” back in Bedford, New York. “She seemed a little down.” The reasons for the split remain secret so far. “Only the couple’s closest friends know exactly why they weren’t together. After nearly 13 years of marriage, Douglas, 68, and Zeta-Jones, 43, one of Hollywood’s most powerful and admired couples, have decided to spend time apart,” as confirmed to People magazine. “Michael and Catherine love each other very much, but they’re taking a break. Neither has made a move towards a legal separation or divorce. No legal people are involved whatsoever.”

With their joint $200 million fortune and “luxurious estates from Bermuda to Mallorca,” it was assumed that the couple had a dream life. “But after weathering different health crises — Douglas with throat cancer and Zeta-Jones with bipolar disorder — they began leading increasingly separate lives in recent months.” They attended the Oscars together in February and took “what appears to be their last vacation together” in March, to Sea Island in Georgia. “They just looked like a couple who had been married for a while.” Their final public appearance occurred in April, “at a Barbra Streisand tribute in Manhattan” where they held hands. A few days after that, Zeta-Jones checked into a facility to deal with her bipolar II disorder, while Douglas flew to Cannes to promote his role as Liberace in Behind the Candelabra. Sources say “the strain of the last few years — their medical problems and Douglas’s oldest son Cameron’s incarceration for drug dealing — took a steep toll on them. It’s been very stressful. He loves Catherine, but she has her own issues. It’s sad.”

The issues “took a toll” on the couple. In August, Douglas is due to attend the Deauville Film Festival in France, where he originally met Zeta-Jones and wooed her with the amazing pickup line “I want to father your children.” (He did.) He compared his first glimpse of his future wife onscreen, in The Mask of Zorro, to seeing another famous babe. “It was like when I saw Julie Christie. Wow.” That is also how I feel about Julie Christie! They “romanced each other slowly” and married at the Plaza Hotel in 2000. “But having married Zeta-Jones after a contentious divorce from his first wife, Diandra Luker, that reportedly cost him more than $45 million, Douglas also knows what it’s like to face a difficult split.” While Douglas and Luker sought marriage counseling, Douglas regrets working on his first marriage rather than ending it “8 or 10 years earlier.” A famous playboy before settling down, Douglas has already been spotted out flirting with a number of sexy older brunette women resembling Zeta-Jones. Possibly his cancer treatment just freaked him out about the passage of time. “Looking death in the eye will make you prioritize things,” Douglas recently said. “Despite tabloid speculation about a nasty divorce ahead, sources say the pair (who had a prenup) are still deciding what their future will be. And both remain devoted to their children.” Will they work it out? Maybe not, but “They were really good together.”

J.D. Salinger Liked Underage Girls: His ex-paramour Jean Miller recalls their relationship. “We were in Daytona Beach, and I was sitting at this rather crowded pool at the Sheraton Hotel. I was reading Wuthering Heights, and a man said to me, ‘How is Heathcliff?’ I turned to him and I said ‘Heathcliff is troubled.’ He had a long, wonderful, angular face and deep, brooding, sad-looking eyes. He was in this terry cloth bathrobe, and his legs were very white; he was very pale. He wasn’t exactly shivering but he didn’t look like he belonged at the pool. He looked old. And he was not going to stop talking, so I put my book aside. He was very intense. He told me he was a writer and that he had published a few stories in the New Yorker, and he felt this was his finest accomplishment. Finally he asked me how old I was, and I said fourteen. And I remember very clearly his grimace. He said he was thirty. He was funny, sort of a wise-cracking sense of humor. We sat there for quite a while. As I was going he told me his name was Jerry. I saw him the next day, and we began these walks. We would walk down to this old pier and eat popcorn or ice cream, and we’d talk. And we’d feed the seagulls. We’d do this every afternoon for about ten days. I would do cartwheels and then I would whip off into the ocean, and he would love that. He seemed to take joy out of my childishness.” ALL OF THE RED FLAGS.

He told her about his upcoming novel, which would become The Catcher in the Rye. “My mother was taking a dim view of these walks on the beach. She found out he was J.D. Salinger. My mother said, ‘A man like that is only after one thing, Jean, you better be careful.’” Forget that boy and find another! “At the end of his stay in Daytona he gave me a little white elephant as a talisman and said ‘Even if we never see each other again, I wish you all the good.’ He also said, ‘I’d like to kiss you goodbye, but you know I can’t.’” Then he told her mother “I am going to marry your daughter.” ACK! He moved to Corning, New Hampshire, and she went to junior college. “There was never an inkling of anything physical between us until much later. I would go to Cornish; I’d spend the night with him in the same bed. Me over here, him over there. We were buddies. Sex did not come into it.” Ha ha, buddies. “I remember sitting by the fire and dancing with him at night to Lawrence Welk or Liberace. We would waltz, laughing all the time. At one point, he asked me to move in with him. I never would have done it because my parents had too much control over me. But I did think about it. Jerry Salinger remembered me always on that pier in Daytona Beach, and I was beginning to change. I had grown from a little girl to a young woman. My feelings for him developed as I developed. But he never told me he was in love with me. He wouldn’t always come to New York to see me. He wrote me in one letter that he was writing something very autumn, with autumn thoughts, right now, and he couldn’t face concrete.” LOL JD u nut. “He said what an unromantic man he must seem, that I’d have every right to tell him to go jump in the lake and to go off with some less neurotic person. But he would come to visit and we would go out. I remember once seeing the George Washington Bridge lit up and thinking it was insane how beautiful it was. He laughed and said, ‘Jean, you’ve got to learn not to say the obvious.’” Ha ha, ahhhhh. “I think he was enjoying me as a child all those years. I’m the one who changed it. We were in a taxi and I turned and kissed him. I suppose I gave him permission — ‘It’s okay now.’”

They went to Montreal together on a weekend trip. “I told him I was a virgin, and he didn’t like that. He didn’t want the responsibility, I guess.” They flew back together, and when his connecting flight was cancelled she was excited to spend more time with him, but she “saw this veil come down over his face. It was a look of horror and hurt. It was terrible and conveyed everything. I had come between him and his work, and it was over. I was just devastated. But I got over it. I had to get over it. In 1955 I was in Daytona again. I looked out the window, and there was Jerry Salinger with this beautiful girl. I was very taken aback. It was this woman who became his second wife, Claire. I was shocked when I saw him, but he saw me. Our eyes met. And the next time I looked, he was gone.” Miller went on to marry and have children. She revealed the Salinger story only after his death. Salinger’s other teenage girlfriends include 16-year-old Oona O’Neill (daughter of Eugene), who left him to marry Charlie Chaplin; the aforementioned Claire Douglas, who was 16 when she wed Salinger; and Joyce Maynard, to whom Salinger wrote after reading her New York Times cover story about being 18. According to Shane Salerno, author of the new biography Salinger, Salinger was “attracted to girls on the cusp.” I bet he’d have loved Miley! “When these girls became women, he was no longer interested and could be particularly cruel.” Kill yr idols!

Tina Fey: “After daughter Penelope, 2, tried to choke her at bath time, Tina Fey joked that she’s a sociopath.”

Misc/Etc: “I would love to see another show about the Gosselin family just to see how those kids grow up” “Cue the squealing girls” “a little bit of a bang” “A TWERKING WILD CHILD” “he’s a softy at heart” “Take the sweaty strip-down too far” “HE’S BATMAN MATERIAL” “(especially his wooing of women!)” “They’ll crack each other up by grossing each other out” “Even with a shiny pate” “got sick eating 45 sliders” “a place of nature with horses and sheep and poppy fields” “Even the meanest forms of humanity can jerk you into unexpected fits of laughter” “We used to have bottle service. Now it’s baby bottle service.” “After the first dinner I couldn’t sleep, I was so excited.” “Nothing happened physically until I was over 18.” “My life is stupid!”

 

Us

Wentworth Miller From Prison Break Comes Out: “Wentworth Miller revealed his sexuality when he publicly shot down an invite to the Saint Petersburg International Film Festival.” Responding to “Russia’s newly adopted antigay law,” Miller wrote “As a gay man, I must decline. People like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly.” The open letter was posted on GLAAD’s website.

Things You Don’t Know About Catfish’s Nev Schulman (Excerpted)

  • “My favorite thing to photograph is ballet dancers.”
  • “I have a second set of nipples. (They’re really small and cute.)”
  • “My first name is pronounced Neeev.”
  • “I sing in the shower. My go-to song is Schubert’s ‘Ave Maria.’”
  • “When I was 17, I got a lower-back tattoo. I call it a ‘champ stamp.’ I regret it every day.”
  • “If I could lunch with anyone, it would be the late George Balanchine.”
  • “I sleep naked.”

Keri Russell: “It’s always OK to have an afternoon glass of wine. I’m a mother of two, isn’t it in the rule book?” Yes.

Tina Fey: “Now I’m a human napkin for the kids. They just wipe their face on you.”

Rihanna on Taylor Swift at the VMAs: “She ain’t cute.” #ALLEGEDLY

Katie Holmes & Jamie Foxx: “A witness says Jamie Foxx, 45, massaged Katie Holmes’ rear end at Ron Perelman’s Apollo benefit” and “then made a pass at her. They danced, and after a hug he grabbed her butt and tried to seal the deal.” Holmes was “flattered but not interested.” Max! Vincent is going to KILL you!!!

Jessica Simpson: “I will never understand why people give pregnant women such a hard time. We are creating a human life. I think we get every excuse in the world to eat a donut!”

What Did Breaking Bad Cast Members Take From the Set?

Aaron Paul: “I took the Winnebago and the pink teddy bear — the burned one.”

Anna Gunn: “I requested the weird ducks on the glass coffee table in our living room. They’re just so odd!”

Dean Norris: “I grabbed my bomber jacket and the ax that almost cut my head off!”

Misc/Etc: “GIRLS IN GRILLZ” “Many stars quit after the first phase.” “I don’t want to be made to look like I’m 25. I’m 39.” “Have a baby and then let’s talk” “Beyonce and Barbra Streisand also said no” “They sit in front of their computers and comment on anything” “she’s only been breast-feeding and doing yoga” “Jennifer Lopez rode Dumbo” “Ice Cream Stroll!” “Is he reading Faulkner?” “a huge tub of Skippy” “Who dissed Taylor Swift?” “deciding whether to officially become a couple” “Everyone hopes he finally dumps her” “She couldn’t cry since she’d used too much Botox”

 

Star

Jodie Foster Hates Shoes: At the Elysium premiere “Jodie strolled into the ladies’ room complaining about the painful price of fashion to anyone who would listen. She went into the stall barefoot, and when she emerged she said, ‘I hate shoes – especially heels!’” ME TOO, JODIE. “She was in a chipper mood and laughed at herself for walking around barefoot in front of people — she was very comfortable with it.” Foster “feels claustrophobic in shoes.”

Joey Fatone Cheats on His Wife, Gets Separated: It seems “the former boy bander is struggling to deal with the end of his nine-year marriage to Kelly Baldwin — the result of constant partying and past affairs.” Baldwin and Fatone were high school sweethearts who dated on and off and then wed in 2004. They have two kids together. “They’ve kept it quiet for the kids. They pretend Joey is traveling for work, but he really just stays with friends.” When Fatone was on Dancing With the Stars, his coworkers were “buzzing about Joey cheating” with one of his costars. He returned as a DWTS all-star, and at the wrap party last year “eyewitnesses observed the singer indulge himself — sans wife Kelly. He flirted with women as if he was a single guy, and he never wore his wedding ring.” MAYBE IT NO LONGER FITS. “When everyone wanted to go home at the end of the night, he desperately tried to keep the party going.” Baldwin is already dating someone else. “Between his partying and wandering eye, she knew she had to leave. She got tired of sitting at home, wondering where he was and who he was with.” Bye bye bye …

Johnny Depp Is Too Needy for Amber Heard: After The Lone Ranger flopped, Depp has been needier than ever in his relationship. “He’s in a terrible state over the whole thing. He’s been relying on Amber to maintain his fragile ego, but she isn’t sure how much more she can take. She’s been locked away in his apartment, looking after his kids, but his smother behavior is driving her crazy.” Get back with Tasya Van Ree!

Eva Mendes Is Too Horny for Ryan Gosling: Gosling has been “butting heads with Eva Mendes, his ladylove of almost two years, over her insatiable sexual appetite! Eva wants Ryan all the time. But he works day and night, so he’s always tired. He can’t keep up with her.” He’s currently directing her in Iceland for his directorial debut, How to Catch a Monster. I feel like I can see Gosling taking a vow of celibacy at some point as Method research. Maybe Eva Mendes needs to hook up with Amber Heard.

Misc/Etc: “Can baby say ‘grandmomager’?” “I’ve got this new body” “Miley gyrated, grinded, twerked, and touched herself” “and his much younger girlfriend” “Never one to act her age, Madonna showed off her blinged-out grill” “George Clooney relaxed with friends including Bono” “her typical tomboy attire including broken sunglasses” “Miranda Kerr is one of the sexiest women alive, but that doesn’t stop her from fearing her husband Orlando Bloom will cheat!” “His desire to have sex in public is really turning her off” “Tom Cruise, John Travolta … and Brad Pitt?” “Leggy Lookalike” “He must be champing at the bit to play the field again” “Too bashful to leave her home” “BITTEREST EX”  “just two young female mammals enjoying the day”

InTouch

Robert Pattinson: “If you Google something long enough you will soon know everything there is to know about me. What I eat, what my poop looks like, with whom I’m sleeping, even what I look like when I masturbate.” Come again? Pattinson then admitted that he actually masturbated onscreen in Little Ashes while playing the young Salvador Dali. Faking it didn’t look real enough, so the Method man “pleasured myself in front of the camera. My orgasm face is recorded for eternity.”

Tina Fey: “I have not combed my hair since the 2012 Golden Globes.”

Blake Shelton: “Latest tabloid says Miranda [Lambert] sent me to rehab … Incorrect. She sent me to the liquor store!!!!” Great way to deflect attention from all those stories about your drinking problem, Blake.

Double Stuf Oreos Are a Lie: “A high school math class discovers that the supersize cookie is not actually filled with twice the filling of an original Oreo.”

Real Housewives of Miami’s Joanna Krupa’s Husband Won’t Do Her: According to Krupa, “I’m the type of girl where I’m like, ‘I’m ready, just bend me over and do whatever you want.’ But if I don’t initiate sex, he can go forever without it! I have felt rejected so many times. It’s painful. I just want to feel wanted by Romain.” Her husband deflects the blame, saying “We all get lazy at home and it’s hard to spice it up, but she doesn’t wear lingerie and she doesn’t try anything. You gotta change the sauce or it’s always the same thing. You need new sauces for your pasta.” What?

Farrah Abraham: “I have a song coming out called ‘Blowin.’ It’s about anti-bullying.”

Misc/Etc: “I’m the only man who touches Oprah’s hair” “Playing with snakes” “yikes of the week” “THIS BABY DESTROYED MY BODY” “You can’t get a big enough drink. It doesn’t actually help.” “Watch your back, Kevin Arnold!” “is a player” “Well, that was fast” “I have a husband, I have a son, and I need to know about basketball!” “while vacationing with his new model girlfriend” “straightens her wayward frock after battling a gust of wind” “bumped her booty” “You know I like my girls a little bit older” “PERFECT PONY” “She’s not the type to get depressed, but she’s disappointed with how she looks” “It’s all fake for the show” “It’s been 25 years since Prince Akeem found his princess in Queens.” “mama lemur taught her baby some jazzy moves”

Filed Under: Eva Mendes, Jodie Foster, Johnny Depp, Michael Douglas, Molly's Magazines, Robert Pattinson, Ryan Gosling, Tina Fey

Photo on 2014-01-10 at 12.58 #3

Molly Lambert is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ mollylambert