Meet Gwyneth Paltrow, Failed Jay-Z Impressionist
Continuing a lifelong commitment to not giving a goddamn that you hate her, Gwyneth Paltrow went on Ellen this week and did an impression of Jay-Z. I mean, technically Ellen asked her to, citing insider information about Gwyn and her husband, international recording artist Chris Martin, playing this “musical impressions” game at home. But after the briefest of demurrals Paltrow went for it, making me suspect she was really gonna go ahead and show off her knowledge of “Dirt Off Your Shoulder” the entire time. In her defense, Paltrow — after years of plugging her own hip-hop obsessive bona fides — does know the words to at least one Hov song and one ‘Ye song. She also accrues bonus points for not really attempting to mimic the voices — oh, and for slagging on Macklemore for being music only naive children could like. And let’s not forget that not once does she drop a reference to how she had Jay and Bey over for cheese and biscuits just the other night. You know what? I think I might have just talked myself into this not being the worst thing ever.