Lamar Odom’s Mistress Speaks … and Other Depressing Tales From This Week’s Tabloids

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Star

Lamar Odom Caught Cheating on Khloe Kardashian: After his affair with Jennifer Richardson was exposed, “Lamar has continued to self-destruct, as Khloe, 29, has continued to profess her love and support for her philandering husabnd — even though they’ve been living apart for the better part of two months. Friends and fans alike begin to wonder: How can a woman as smart, beautiful, and successful as Khloe stay with a cheater? Doesn’t she know about his affairs?” Turns out she does “and she’s furious.” And there has been more than one. “Another woman has now come forward, claiming that she recently spent six intimate weeks with Lamar … and Khloe tracked them down in a hotel and tried to assault her!” Self-described criminal defense attorney Polina Polonsky “passed a polygraph as she told her story” to Star. Polina says “I am seriously scared for my life! Khloe has followed me and she has other people trailing me. I can’t even go home, because I’m scared that something bad will happen. I want my story to be made public, because if something bad happens to me, I want people to know the truth.” Oh my lord, what kind of bad thing? Are the Kardashians like the Sopranos?

“I was under the impression that he had left Khloe, and that’s why he was living at the Roosevelt [Hotel]. He acted completely available and we definitely had a mutual attraction.” They made out a few times before she felt comfortable enough to have sex. They shacked up in his room for a week. Khloe and Kris showed up to konfront them. “Lamar later told her that, while looking for him, Khloe and Kris had banged on the door of the wrong room, and when the guest inside denied them entry, Khloe broke the door in!” Lamar was embarrassed that his wife broke a door down, and moved into Polina’s apartment for another couple of weeks. Khloe and Kris tracked them down. “I couldn’t believe they found where I lived and came to my apartment. They were knocking on the door, but Lamar refused to answer — he saw them through the peephole. That is when the harassment began.”

She was under constant surveillance and “was aware that Khloe was watching them constantly.” The Kardashians “had people creeping around my home all the time. Lamar told me Khloe had learned everything about me, my family, my job and where we all lived. I was very scared.” Keep ya legs closed to married men! She booked a room at “the Vagabond Inn near Downtown L.A., where I felt there was no chance they would find us. But I was wrong. Khloe had someone following me. Lamar believed that she had a tracker on his phone and car.” L.A. Noir! “At 5:30 the next morning, while she and Lamar were sleeping together in the motel, Polina says Khloe showed up outside their room screaming, ‘Open the door now, or I am calling the police!’” Polina “told her to leave, but she refused. ‘I called the front desk and asked them to call the police because I was so scared, but no one ever came. While Khloe was screaming outside the door, Lamar was calling people to come and get her. She was out of control. The whole scene was so frightening – and I couldn’t understand why we were hiding, because he made it clear that he didn’t want to be with her!’” Uh, not clear enough, apparently. They opened the door. “Khloe charged into the room and began swinging at me … she tried to attack me! Lamar had to grab her by the hoodie and pull her back. She is way bigger than me. It was terrifying.”

They all left separately. Polina got a call from Lamar’s number, but when she answered it was Khloe. “She asked, ‘Have you been intimate with my husband? She obviously knew the answer. She kept calling back and told me I shouldn’t be sleeping with a married man. But he wasn’t even living at home with her!” Eh, you probably still shouldn’t, though, girl. She eventually talked to Lamar and “told him he should go home and figure things out with Khloe and stop running away.” She hasn’t talked to Lamar since. “‘Lamar has tried to contact me since then, but I’m just so freaked out that I haven’t spoken to either of them.’” “Lamar is desperate to get out of the marriage, and Polina claims Khloe refuses to let him go. He doesn’t want to live with her and he doesn’t want to sleep with her. But Lamar doesn’t want to deal with Khloe’s wrath, so rather than hiring a divorce attorney, he just refuses to live with her. The marriage is very unhealthy.” Well, that’s super sad. Sorry, Khloe.

The Real The Canyons“Shirley Jones was forced to remove a story from her new memoir that suggested she and Joan Collins almost engaged in a four-way orgy back in the ’60s with their husbands.”

Jennifer Aniston Sporting a Baby Bump or a Burrito: “Sorry, bump watchers, but Jennifer Aniston’s big belly is probably the result of a heavy meal — not a baby!” Who are these bump watchers? What a horrible life they must lead. At the premiere of We’re the Millers, Aniston had “an uncharacteristically rounded tummy protruding in her tight purple gown” but tells Star she is “definitely not pregnant” If you look at other recent-ish photos of Aniston in tight dresses at awards shows you’ll see that her “baby bump” has appeared before. It’s just bloat. At dinner in NYC with Justin Theroux she “drank a couple of glasses of wine,” demonstrating that she is probably not knocked up. Jen was “startled when she saw her pudgy paunch in the photos” but “her weight fluctuates and she gets really bloated from eating certain foods, like dairy.” LEAVE JEN ALONE. “Sometimes it really is just a Cinnabon in the oven!” Oh ho ho ho, let this woman live her fucking life, please.

“FLORENCE + THE MARTINI?”: 26-year-old Florence Welch, of Florence + the Machine, has been boozing a lot lately. “A band member told her that her handlers were discussing an intervention. She told them that if her drinking gets out of control, she’ll be the first one to say she needs help.” But she’s been throwing back shots at bars all over London. Last month she “jumped up onstage with a shot of tequila and belted out a wobbly version of Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’ before crowdsurfing back into the audience.” I dunno, that sounds pretty normal. “The singer herself has admitted she has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, prompted by her parents’ divorce when she was 13.” She started drinking around that time. “I went to wild parties, met some bizarre, amazing people and did mad things like running around naked in fields covered in leaves.” Wait, that sounds fun.

Rihanna Is a Diva: Well, yeah! “Rihanna has never been easy to work for, but since she and Chris Brown broke up she’s been beyond horrible. She’s in a bad mood 24/7 and takes it out on everyone who works for her.” Sounds like someone who just got out of a shitty relationship. “She’s so rude, always snapping at people, and she’s a nightmare to be around when she’s hung over. I can’t even remember the last time she said ‘please’ or ‘thank you.’” TURN DOWN? FOR WHAT?

Britney Hates Her New Boyfriend: “Britney, who’s famous for dating bad boys and hangers-on, has already lost interest in good guy civilian David ‘Lucky’ Lucado” and the couple are “going through a very rough patch.” Or at least Brit is. “David is so in love with Britney, but he sees her growing more and more distant and is beginning to realize she doesn’t feel the same way.” Britney’s past beaus include Kevin Federline, Adnan Ghalib, and Jason Trawick, and she is “starting to crave the drama of past liaisons.” But those liaisons were so dangerous! “Since those relationships fell through, she thought she needed a nice guy. That’s why she started dating David, but she obviously doesn’t care. She never tries to impress him.” Britney, who is setting up her Las Vegas residency, is “hesitant to end things for good, due to her deep-seated fear of loneliness. David would be with her forever, if he could. But it’s tricky, because while she really likes the feeling of having someone there, she’s bored.”

Mila Kunis Doesn’t Want Kids Yet: Mila and Ashton Kutcher are “at odds over Mila’s recent revelation that she doesn’t want to have kids anytime soon, while Ashton is desperate to become a dad. Mila still has a lot she wants to do careerwise. She told Ashton that he’d have to wait at least five years.” 35-year-old Kutcher is “devastated” that 29-year-old Mila “has revealed the truth,” and now “the couple’s future is unknown. They had a huge blowout fight. He was set to propose and even looked at rings, but he isn’t as excited as he was before. It’s not looking good.”

Misc./Etc.: “When the stage mom is away, her girls will play!” “empty wine cooler bottles, remnants of marijuana joints and spent fireworks” “All hell has completely broken loose at the summer rental house” “they host ragers all week” “No. 1 on the guest list? Boys!” “Kylie has a harem of boyfriends” “Neighbors find teens passed out on the sand!” “He spends his time golfing and flying toy planes” “that toned tummy gave her away” “PRETTY LITTLE BUMP ALERT!” “the hunky actor is reportedly in the doghouse with his girlfriend” “There were hundreds of candles and flowers and a huge sand sculpture” “VIOLENT VACATION”

 

Us Weekly

Sharon Osbourne Shades Kanye: “He’s an average-looking man with an average talent. But he’s a great salesman. He should sell cars.” BURN! It’s so harsh when British people call something “average.”

Inane Kale Talk

  • “It’s the age of kale … a day without kale is like a day without sunshine.” —Kevin Bacon
  • “I love kale. Makes me poop.” —Holly Madison
  • “Kale is burning up the veggisphere. Even I made kale chips.” —Bette Midler
  • “It looks atrocious, but it tastes yummy!” —Lucy Hale
  • “I can’t get enough of kale. I crave it.” —Julia Stiles
  • “I am a huge kale enthusiast. Kale chips, kale salads, I sound like the Bubba Gump of kale.” —Jason Mesnick
  • “My son loves kale and we bake it in the oven.” —Mariska Hargitay
  • “I eat kale like crazy. It’s the best!” —Kelly Rowland
  • “I was on lean proteins and kale.” —Jennifer Aniston
  • “I think it’s sweet that people pretend kale chips are delicious.” —Chrissy Teigen
  • “Kale is the rage! I was terrified of it at first, but it’s really good!” —Khloe Kardashian
  • “Do you eat kale? I’m not sure I see the point.” —Anderson Cooper

Jason Segel Is on a Diet: “No more midnight pizzas.”

Jerry O’Connell on Working Out: “I get a milkshake … sit on a ball for an hour and watch television and say I’m working on my core.”

Emma Roberts Is Messy: “People come over and go, ‘Oh! Did you just move in?’”

Mark Wahlberg: “I hate when actors go, ‘Oh I do all my own stunts. I’m such a badass. You were in the makeup chair for half an hour. You ain’t that bad.”

Things You Don’t Know About Aisha Tyler (Excerpted)

  • “I recycle, compost, have low-flow toilets and drive an electric car. I am the black female Leonardo DiCaprio.”
  • “In high school, I followed a boy I liked into an improv class. That boy was Sam Rockwell.”
  • “I love video games.”
  • “I was a snowboarding instructor in college. I got a lot of people very cold.”
  • “I’ve seen Die Hard more times than is wholesome.”
  • “I love Korean cinema. I also love Korean pop.”
  • “I’ve built two websites from scratch.”
  • “I have never been in a fist fight. That said, do not test me.”

Jennifer Garner Dislikes Walking the Red Carpet With Ben Affleck: “It can be too much. I think, especially for women, they can really lose their identity and just become ‘wife of.’”

Jen Aniston’s Advice to Her 30-Year-Old Self: “Go to therapy. Clean up all of the shit.” Also, “I have a stripper pole in my house now. Me and Paris Hilton and Kate Hudson.”

Rihanna Is at Carnival in Barbados: “Woke up in paint and a veil from partying in de street all morning!!!” Even with her Joseline Hernandez hair, Rih looks good.

Misc/Etc: “She’s a combination of everything I love about women.” “I’ve never been validated by work or fame or Hollywood or any of that” “in for a lot of couch time” “I got a lot of people very wet.” “Dad doesn’t have boobs!” “You know, maybe I’ll just let my husband work, and I’ll just laze around by the pool” “Prince Charles gazed at a bald eagle” “Strip and click!” “she reenacts global cultural celebrations.” “Self-described tomboy Gwen Stefani” “We’ve been married for 17 years. I’m sure if must feel like 200 years for him, but for me, it feels like minutes.” “DIRTY DOUBLE LIFE” “We’re riding in style with burp cloths!” “TURNT UP” “There will be clapping”

 

In Touch

Taylor Swift Looks for Men on Facebook: “A friend reveals that Taylor, 23, picked up her latest guy, Criminal Minds star Matthew Gray Gubler, by ‘friending’ him on the site. She messaged him out of the blue in June to tell him she thinks he’s cute.” TAYLOR BE CAREFUL OR YOU’LL GET CATFISHED! “At first Matthew didn’t believe it was her. Then Taylor invited him over to her house in L.A. for dinner and he realized it actually was her.” Thirty-three-year-old Gubler showed up and “was shocked to see the Red singer had done her research and prepared some of his favorite food, though her rep denies the incident.” Um, researching a stranger’s food preferences on the Internet and then cooking for them based off of it would be CRAZY. “But it obviously worked — they’re still dating.” Although they haven’t been spotted … yet. Also, everyone uses Facebook that way.

Simon Cowell’s Twisted Threesome: When a reporter asked about the news that Cowell had fathered a child with a close friend’s wife, Simon said “Unfortunately, I have to keep this — for the moment — private. There are a lot of people’s feelings involved.” Cowell’s years-long affair with his friend Andrew Silverman’s wife, Lauren Silverman, has resulted in a surprise pregnancy for Lauren. “The whole situation is a huge mess. The affair’s been going on for years.” Andrew Silverman has been aware for a year, but was burnt. “Alleging adultery, he named Simon as the other man in divorce documents that call Lauren ‘cruel and inhuman.’” The Silvermans have known Simon for nine years, and took trips together all the time. “Lauren’s been hooking up with Simon for at least five years.” The affair even continued after Cowell got engaged to girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy. This story just gets crazier.

Kimye: “Kim, 32, feels like a virtual prisoner as her boyfriend and North’s father, Kanye West, 36, tries to control her every move. She has to do what he says or else.” OR ELSE WHAT? “He brought in more security around the house and won’t let Kim leave.” Sounds like a Hitchcock movie. She appeared on her mom’s talk show Kris via videophone, infuriating Kanye. “He thought it was a pretty cheap stunt. Her fame is a huge bone of contention in their relationship. But fame is in Kim’s blood.” Also, isn’t that why Kanye liked her to begin with? “Kanye’s demands know no bounds. Besides ordering Kim to stay inside until he is ready for his daughter to be revealed to the world, the rapper wants her to undergo a complete style makeover.” Again? “Kanye is calling all the shots. It’s his way or the highway.”

Kellan Lutz: “I don’t want to be a piece of meat for the rest of my career.” Oh no, I can’t stop laughing.

Cameron Diaz Asks Kelly Ripa to Set Her Up: “Perpetually single star Cameron Diaz wants Kelly Ripa to play matchmaker. Cameron told Kelly she’s desperate for a boyfriend. She said she’s always attracted to guys who won’t settle down.” Don’t date A-Rod! She asked Ripa to “look for guys who are athletic and not necessarily in show business. She wanted Kelly to line her up some dates.” Good luck, Cam.

John Mayer and Katy Perry: “All Katy wants is to be treated like a queen, and John does that.” OK.

Misc/Etc: “We all end up alone in that dark hole at some point in our lives.” “the racy shots are tasteless and creepy” “would sit still with a hamburger on his head” “these blondes look like dead ringers!” “use a leaf as an umbrella” “Kids get in trouble and probably break your heart at some point — like boys!” “no one can hold on to their youth forever” “Fun With Statues!” “Lindsay’s flirty floral frock is befitting a young starlet, but the same look on Dina is hardly age-appropriate” “incessant tweets about a picture-perfect life” “To see the person you love the most with the other person you love the most, there’s just a natural new awakening of the love you share together” “It’s every actress’ worst fear: reaching an age where crow’s feet, wrinkles and other natural signs of aging make it impossible to compete with the latest crop of fresh-faced Hollywood starlets.”

 

OK!

Olivia Munn’s Favorite Swimsuit: “My mother’s vintage Halston bathing suit from 1977. She bought it when they moved here from Vietnam.”

Lucy Liu Plays the Accordion: “Lucy’s father insisted his children play an instrument so she opted for the accordion.” According to Liu, “I learned polkas and sonatas and stuff.”

Misc/Etc: “But we like a challenge” “Jon Voight’s new Showtime drama Ray Donovan” “WHEN ARE THE BABIES GOING TO BE READY?” “shows off her tummy and style cred” “jazzed about her engagement” “mechanical surfboards” “SIX-PACK DADDY” “I’ve played a lot of one-dimensional characters. This one has dimension.” “her own personal ticking bomb” “He told everyone I kissed like a fish!” “There’s always time for romance” “Taylor’s been sleeping with someone else” “long black hair and a killer smile” “which left me hallucinating” “THE TWO SHARE A RENTAL IN MYRTLE BEACH” “I feel very cartoony” “SOFT TO SEXY”

Filed Under: Britney Spears, Jennifer Aniston, Kanye West, Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Molly's Magazines, Rihanna, Simon Cowell, Taylor Swift

Photo on 2014-01-10 at 12.58 #3

Molly Lambert is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ mollylambert