How Good Is Former Virgin Joe Jonas at Singing About Sex?

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A scandalous headline from earlier this week: “Joe Jonas Sings About Drunk Sex With Strangers.” It’s true! On his new solo album, Fastlife, out this week, Joe makes a big move away from the promise ring-y values of his crew the Jonas Brothers, toward a more radio-friendly sexiness. This is an inevitable moment in the career of any aging teen pop star (Justin Bieber, are you paying attention?), and it’s a critical one. Does Joe pull it off? A breakdown of Fastlife’s steamiest lyrics.

On the title track, Jonas busts out a classic pop metaphor, the old “driving = something else” one. See, girl, you’re acting like it’s your first time, but Joe Jonas is done with these games. You need to get in his lane so he can push it to the red line. Also, he’s looking in your eyes, and he can see the signs — girl, he knows you want it, and he knows you know where you’re going. Turn the lights out, girl. Then, later, after a few minutes of downtime, you two can go on another ride, girl.

The particulars of the analogy are a bit sloppy: Is she getting in your car, Joe? Or do you just want her to get in your lane so she can follow behind you in her own automobile? Those are minor concerns, though. The message is clear: Having sex with Joe Jonas is like having sex with a Ferrari.

“Make You Mine”
Here comes the “sex with strangers” part! On “Make You Mine,” Joe meets a lady he “doesn’t know” but “shines like a star.” He swags it out quick: “Tell me what you want and I’ll give it / Just as long as you know where we’re headed / Back to my place when it’s all over / That’s when I’m sober, baby / Gonna make you mine tonight.”

Oh, is that not enough for you, lady? He’s gonna “rock with you ‘til sunrise,” and “show you the time of your life,” and “blow your mind,” and “do all the little things you like.” He doesn’t even know you, and he’s gonna do all the little things you like! Even with complete strangers, Joe is a considerate, attentive lover. Perfect.

“Take It and Run”
This song comes later in the album, and we can tell Joe’s confidence is growing because he gets right to the point: “I promise if you give this a try / You’ll be more than satisfied.” Also: “So many things I can’t wait to show you / Say yes before the night is over.” Officially blushing over here.

“All This Time”
Here, Jonas reaches out to a young lady so traumatized by her past adventures in love that she doesn’t have the courage to try it again. Considerate but persistent, Joe promises things will be different this time: “I want to take you to a place / Where love is something more than you imagined.” Totally reasonable, right? Well, then there’s this part: “I put it right in your face, girl / It’s yours / All you got to do is reach out and grab it.” Joe! Buddy!

The Verdict: A few missteps aside — pretty sexy stuff, Joe! You get 3/5 R. Kellys.

Filed Under: Music

Amos Barshad has written for New York Magazine, Spin, GQ, XXL, and the Arkansas Times. He is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ AmosBarshad