Get Your $1,499 Tickets to the R. Kelly Cruise Right Now

Best news ever, everyone: there’s an R. Kelly cruise. Really! The romantic ‘Love Letter’ cruise sets sail from Miami to the Bahamas on October 1st for four days of magic and wonder, and is co-presented by Bling1 Entertainment. (First the book, now this? It’s almost too much). And not that you possibly need convincing that this is totally worth the $1,499 price tag, but here’s the official copy:

“An exciting time awaits you on Carnival Cruise Line “Destiny”, as R. Kelly presents a fabulous performance, never seen before at SEA. Enjoy delicious cuisines. Work up a sweat at the “Stepping Class”, Sign up for the “12 Play” Basketball Game. Pamper yourself with a massage, and select from more than 20 various games and activities on board, along with special guest artists. Don’t miss this exciting cruise with R. Kelly.” Bonus tagline: “You’ve seen him on land … you’ve heard him on the radio … but you’ve never heard him at sea.”

There’s no other artists announced yet – and hopefully there won’t be? Obviously, R. Kelly has enough juice to entertain thousands on a boat for four days all by himself; throwing in other, lesser R&B types would dilute the pure Kelly-at-sea experience. Also, if it is just all Kellz all the time, that really opens the door to more rad/corny song-title naming situations. Think of the possibilities: the “Sex Planet” Adults Only Deck! The “Freaky In the Club” Late Night Dance Hour! The “Just Can’t Get Enough” Peel N’ Eat Shrimp Buffett! The “You Remind Me of Something” Memory Game Hour! “The World’s Greatest” Waffle Breakfast! The “I Believe I Can Fly” Parasailing Expedition! The “I Like the Crotch on You” Singles Night! Feel free to play along at home.

Filed Under: Music, R. Kelly

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Amos Barshad has written for New York Magazine, Spin, GQ, XXL, and the Arkansas Times. He is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ AmosBarshad