Finally, You Can Win a TV Date With The Situation

So, Fox is spoofing The Voice with a dating show called The Choice. There will be celebrities — well, “celebrities” — in spinning chairs and everything. Today, the list of the beautiful people has been announced, and it is highlighted by Pauly D, Tyson Beckford, Joe Jonas, Dean Cain, Rob Kardashian, Rocco DiSpirito, Warren Sapp, Finesse Mitchell, Romeo, Ndamukong Suh, Taylor Hicks, Rob Gronkowski, The Situation, and, of course, Carmen Electra.

First question: Don’t these people understand what they’re doing by lumping themselves together with this dating pool? The Situation and Pauly D, sure: They probably have a blanket agreement with their agents to say “yes” to any TV production that isn’t overly racist. Gronkowski, Suh, and the other NFL players — yeah, they’re in the right, too, because eventually you probably want people to see what you look like without a helmet on. But anyone on that list who considers themselves an actual, real-life entertainer, with talent and all that — you’re all OK with admitting you’re exactly as desperate as Taylor Hicks? Taylor Hicks?!

Second question: This is how Fox is getting back at NBC for producing a successful American Idol competitor? Why is that something that Fox needs to “get back” at NBC for? And if they’re really intent on “getting back” at them, wouldn’t it make more sense to invest whatever resources have gone toward The Choice into creating a better version of Idol, or a different singing competition altogether? Is there a joke somewhere? Is the spinning-chair thing the joke? Does the … ah, I can’t even get worked up, really. I don’t know. I’m sorry. This just really bums me out.

Anyway, EW has the relevant nuts and bolts:

In the first round, celebrities will listen to “sexy singles” describe themselves. If the celebrity bachelor likes what he hears, instead of a big red button the star will pull his “love handle,” spinning his chair around to bring him face-to-face with his potential mate. If more than one celebrity pulls their handle, they battle for her affection until the contestant decides who they prefer to date. Once each bachelor has his three prospective dates, the teams enter the “Speed Choice” round, where each woman has seconds to convince the man to select her for the final round. Then [host Cat] Deeley will pose a challenge question to the final two contestants. The winners get to go on one date with their celebrity.

If we don’t get to watch whoever wins the date with The Situation get drunk with him, go home with him, and then have a disappointing night of lovemaking with him, this show is some bullshit.

Filed Under: Fox

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Amos Barshad has written for New York magazine, Spin, GQ, XXL, and the Arkansas Times. He is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ AmosBarshad